I am feeling sentimental tonight. I'm not exactly positive where it's coming from, but it seems to be here in full force. My youngest is sick. She has come down with the secondary infections that decide to show up when you've had the Swine Flu. Swine Flu is seriously like bad company...it comes around, destroys your "house", then invites it's nasty friends to come and stay for a while as well. Yuck! If I could I would punch swine flu in the face! :)
So anyway, the sentimentality aspect arrived when my husband called. You see, he and I have barely had a conversation in the last month. We have had two children in the hospital, I've been sick, and our two other children were sick with this Swine Flu ugliness. Then when we finally got better, he got it in Iraq. Now, if you haven't had swine flu, you don't understand why we haven't talked. Swine Flu literally runs you over with a bus, backs up, then runs you over (and repeats this process like fifteen times). Then, after its finished completing that task, it takes you out to meet it's "little friends" and has them give you one heck of a beating. So sitting in front of a computer is very difficult. And unfortunately for us, it's pretty much the main way that spouses communicate with their soldiers nowadays. So in the last month, our five and ten minute conversations has consisted of: "how is so and so today? Any worse?" "Yes, she's worse. In the hospital.", etc etc. Or, "Are you any better?" "No. I feel worse. Well, go get some sleep, we'll talk when you're better." So they haven't been too lengthy. But, I will say that being able to connect at all is absolutely wonderful.
Okay, so now that you've had the back story of my sentimentality, you can understand the following: I finally had a decent conversation with my husband, and it was perfect timing. I had finally gotten the kids in bed for the night when he called. He said, "Hey baby!" and I kid you not, I just cried. I am completely emotionally burnt out. I am so sick of sickness that I can't even begin to describe it. I am so irritated with going to the doctor all the time, and giving my children medications for their various illnesses that have spawned off of the Swine Flu. I'm just sick of it. And I was very sick and tired of not having a decent conversation with my man. He was finally feeling better from his sickness, and it was nice to just lean on him. I told him that I missed him, and I was saying that I mean it differently. Of course I miss his physical presence and I miss having him around, but I meant it in the sense that he and I haven't really been able to talk lately, and that I just was really missing him. And he goes, "Oh baby, I've been feeling that way too. It's just been awful."
So that sort of has awakened my sentamentalness. That man has a way...He just has a way with me that no one has ever had. He is able to comfort me, to console me with so little words. Honestly, some days his picture can just comfort my achy heart. I love that between us there is a softness, a gentleness, a kindness...We just get each other. I was thinking the other day, that if I died to tomorrow, there are four things that I hope people would say about me: that I REALLY loved God, that I REALLY loved my husband, that I REALLY loved my children, but also that I just really loved people in general.
Don't ask me how all of a sudden I went to this morbid death place...I have no idea. The whole basic point is that I really love the boy. :)
On a much happier note...my husband's R and R is coming up. Which in lay mans terms means that the whole abstinence thing will soon be getting a break! And I am thanking God! It's one of the most frustrating aspects of being married, and being apart. And it really sucks. :) BUT! We both gladly do it to defend our country, and to speak for those who have no voices. We are proud of this life we live.
So that's what's been going on in my mind. A sort of convoluted mess of things, but that's sort of how things have been lately. Ultimately, I am thankful for so much more than the things that I am irritated by. God is good, life is good. It's the challenges that grow me, and remind me all the more to be grateful. I am SO glad for the people in my life who support me and send me a friendly hello. I am SO grateful for my biological family, and for my Heavenly family as well. Life is hard, but it's still good. :)
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Swine Flu (which should really be called Beelzebub Flu)
We caught the dreaded disease: H1N1 AKA Swine Flu. It was a blast, let me tell you (note the sarcasm). I don't think I've ever been so sick in my life. Two of my four children were hospitalized and one of them was VERY ill with this sickness. I was literally coughing so much that I had sore muscles in my stomach. And when you've delivered triplets...you find it very difficult to keep your urine in on a normal day... let alone when you're literally coughing out lung tissue! :) Okay, okay...it was nasty. I have to laugh about it. There were so many scary moments.
My oldest triplet was VERY ill. She went for 20 hours without urinating because her kidneys were swollen from the plague. She was throwing up large amounts of blood. Her O2 stats were dropping to pretty low numbers. She would barely move. She didn't sleep for about 30 hours. She would just cry, "Mommy! Help me!" over and over again. So I sat with her in a tiny child's hospital crib bed, and rocked her almost non stop. I took breaks to eat and took breaks to go to the bathroom, but the whole time I was gone, she'd cry for me to help her. It was excruciating. After a day and a half of this agony with her, I finally asked the nurses if she could have some pain medication because she seemed like she was in so much pain. They gave her some drug I had never heard of. The nurse told me it was the infant equivalent of percoset. It helped her stop crying. But she still was so restless.
Those moments were extremely difficult. Not only were the children terribly sick, but I was as well. I have no idea how we made it through. I thank God with all my heart that my mom was here to help with the other two kids at home.
My other child in the hospital did great once she got on the IV and got some fluids in her. They were both on anti nausea medicines to help them stop throwing up. They both had a bunch of tests done to check their bodies.
I was sitting there in that hospital room with my two youngest daughters, and it brought back to my mind our days in the NICU. It was strange to recall sitting beside their beds and begging them to get stronger. It is awful to sit in a hospital room and have doctors look at your child and say things like, "She is really bad. She is really really sick." And to have nurses come in your room and look at your child with a worried expression and say, "She is VERY sick." Those are the sayings that make mom's worry. When the doctor's and nurses are worried....it's difficult to have faith in the system. But ultimately, my children's lives are in my Savior's hands.
My older daughter was literally seconds away from being elevated to a different room and having a catheter installed. The nurse came in to take her away. She disconnected her from the machines and I went to give her one last hug. I was crying and praying and saying, "Please God make her pee!" I kid you not, in that moment, she peed. It was the very last minute, but she did. She didn't pee very much but they say that usually that's how it goes. They'll pee a tiny amount, and then gradually it will increase to more and more. I was sitting there and screaming "woohoo! Thank you God!!" Her nurse and I were both cheering and laughing. It was so wonderful! In the few moments after she finally peed, she completely turned around. She started smiling again. She was weak and she was still very restless, but she stopped crying constantly, and moaning, and she started to look much much better.
This illness is nasty. I mean, it's really ugly. I will tell you also, that I am a clean freak. My son is Immune Suppressed and I am VERY particular about hand washing and healthy eating. We still caught it. I clean carts before we get in them, wash hands constantly, and work very hard to keep everyone healthy. And we STILL caught it. Here it is, two weeks later, and we are still coughing (though it's much better. Doc says it will take a minimum of a month for that to go away), and slowly getting our energy back to normal. It's strange that a virus which is so tiny that we can't even see it, can cause such destruction. And the scary component of this illness, is that you can not predict the people that it will destroy. My immune suppressed child had barely ANY symptoms of Swine Flu. He only had a fever. That's it. Myself, and my four very healthy children, were EXTREMELY sick. My two children who are almost never sick, had it the worst of all. We're talking fevers in the 104s, that were not coming down on Motrin and Tylenol. We're talking toddlers who are so sick they won't move. They won't play. They won't eat, and they don't even want to drink. We're talking toddlers who moan because they're too weak to cry. We're talking a cough that is so vicious that you can turn blue from having a coughing spell that lasts for forty five seconds, where you can't get a breath in. Where it is excruciatingly painful to inhale...feels like there is glass in your lungs. We did not have sore throats, and we did not all have the same symptoms either. The ones of us who got it first seemed to be the sickest. The ones who got it the last had the most minor symptoms. It is the most bizarre illness we have ever had go through here.
So I don't know what else to write about it. We went through the valley of Swine Flu horribleness, and we survived it. It didn't kill us, and now we're immune! :) I'm just glad it's finally over.
My oldest triplet was VERY ill. She went for 20 hours without urinating because her kidneys were swollen from the plague. She was throwing up large amounts of blood. Her O2 stats were dropping to pretty low numbers. She would barely move. She didn't sleep for about 30 hours. She would just cry, "Mommy! Help me!" over and over again. So I sat with her in a tiny child's hospital crib bed, and rocked her almost non stop. I took breaks to eat and took breaks to go to the bathroom, but the whole time I was gone, she'd cry for me to help her. It was excruciating. After a day and a half of this agony with her, I finally asked the nurses if she could have some pain medication because she seemed like she was in so much pain. They gave her some drug I had never heard of. The nurse told me it was the infant equivalent of percoset. It helped her stop crying. But she still was so restless.
Those moments were extremely difficult. Not only were the children terribly sick, but I was as well. I have no idea how we made it through. I thank God with all my heart that my mom was here to help with the other two kids at home.
My other child in the hospital did great once she got on the IV and got some fluids in her. They were both on anti nausea medicines to help them stop throwing up. They both had a bunch of tests done to check their bodies.
I was sitting there in that hospital room with my two youngest daughters, and it brought back to my mind our days in the NICU. It was strange to recall sitting beside their beds and begging them to get stronger. It is awful to sit in a hospital room and have doctors look at your child and say things like, "She is really bad. She is really really sick." And to have nurses come in your room and look at your child with a worried expression and say, "She is VERY sick." Those are the sayings that make mom's worry. When the doctor's and nurses are worried....it's difficult to have faith in the system. But ultimately, my children's lives are in my Savior's hands.
My older daughter was literally seconds away from being elevated to a different room and having a catheter installed. The nurse came in to take her away. She disconnected her from the machines and I went to give her one last hug. I was crying and praying and saying, "Please God make her pee!" I kid you not, in that moment, she peed. It was the very last minute, but she did. She didn't pee very much but they say that usually that's how it goes. They'll pee a tiny amount, and then gradually it will increase to more and more. I was sitting there and screaming "woohoo! Thank you God!!" Her nurse and I were both cheering and laughing. It was so wonderful! In the few moments after she finally peed, she completely turned around. She started smiling again. She was weak and she was still very restless, but she stopped crying constantly, and moaning, and she started to look much much better.
This illness is nasty. I mean, it's really ugly. I will tell you also, that I am a clean freak. My son is Immune Suppressed and I am VERY particular about hand washing and healthy eating. We still caught it. I clean carts before we get in them, wash hands constantly, and work very hard to keep everyone healthy. And we STILL caught it. Here it is, two weeks later, and we are still coughing (though it's much better. Doc says it will take a minimum of a month for that to go away), and slowly getting our energy back to normal. It's strange that a virus which is so tiny that we can't even see it, can cause such destruction. And the scary component of this illness, is that you can not predict the people that it will destroy. My immune suppressed child had barely ANY symptoms of Swine Flu. He only had a fever. That's it. Myself, and my four very healthy children, were EXTREMELY sick. My two children who are almost never sick, had it the worst of all. We're talking fevers in the 104s, that were not coming down on Motrin and Tylenol. We're talking toddlers who are so sick they won't move. They won't play. They won't eat, and they don't even want to drink. We're talking toddlers who moan because they're too weak to cry. We're talking a cough that is so vicious that you can turn blue from having a coughing spell that lasts for forty five seconds, where you can't get a breath in. Where it is excruciatingly painful to inhale...feels like there is glass in your lungs. We did not have sore throats, and we did not all have the same symptoms either. The ones of us who got it first seemed to be the sickest. The ones who got it the last had the most minor symptoms. It is the most bizarre illness we have ever had go through here.
So I don't know what else to write about it. We went through the valley of Swine Flu horribleness, and we survived it. It didn't kill us, and now we're immune! :) I'm just glad it's finally over.
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