letter to you

So I finally “cleaned you up” off of our bedroom floor. I can’t believe it took me just under six months to basically erase your memory of having just been here. I did your laundry. I washed the clothes you wore the day before you left. I washed your pajamas you wore the night before. I put them all away. I picked up your slippers and put them in our closet. Your side of the room is completely empty. It’s bringing about a strange feeling. On the one hand I have tremendous peace about where you are and what you are doing. I know that God has plans for both you and me, and I know He will not allow anything to thwart them. I have complete peace in His leadership and guidance. On the other…I miss you so deeply. I miss so many things about you but it seems to be the little things I miss the most. I miss your goodbye kisses in the morning. I miss watching you climb in to bed. I miss opening my eyes and seeing your head on the pillow. I miss holding your hand. I miss seeing you smile. I miss sitting next to you on the couch, where our thighs are pressed up next to each other and your arm is wrapped around my shoulder. I miss sleeping on your lap. I miss falling asleep with you holding me.

I am proud of you. I am SO proud of you. I am proud of your perfections. I am proud of your flaws. I am proud of your in betweens. I love that I get to be the woman that loves you. I love that I get to be the woman that supports you and stands beside you. I love that you are my best friend. I love that you are so kind. You are kind. Did you know that the Bible says that a kind man is a man of virtue? I am so thankful for you.

So anyway, this is what I’ve been thinking about. Oh how much I wish you were here. But yet, I know God has a plan for why you are not, and I thank Him for His wisdom. I can’t wait until we can touch again.

I'll be seeing you,
me

Christ

I can feel a change in the air. Have you ever had a moment in your life where you can specifically pin point a drastic change? I've had one recently. My husband commanded me to walk away from an evil situation. And I obeyed that. And I can honestly say from that moment on, my life has been filled with peace and joy. I have found friends that I never knew I would ever find. I have grown more in my faith in the last six weeks. I feel different. I have a different perspective and outlook on life. I mean, I'm not going to deny that my husband being deployed isn't hard, or that I don't still get angry over injustice, or occasionally want revenge. All of those things are still my reality. But I have joy. I have joy that I haven't felt for a long time.

Christ transforms minds. You either know Him or you don't. There isn't a grey area, or a loose definition on that. You are either changed (or being changed), or your not. I don't want to be stagnant. I don't want to stand still wondering what the heck I'm doing. I want to KNOW that my actions, my thoughts are pleasing to Christ. Let's be honest, this world is filled with evil. It's filled with selfish people, liars, greedy people, sexually immoral people, idolaters, etc etc etc. I could list ten thousand things that are completely AGAINST Christ. But, on the flip side of all of that evil, is Jesus. There He is in His glory and righteousness and holiness changing lives. He is pouring out his grace and mercy and consuming spirits. He is lifting people up who have been crippled with sin and broken by lack of faith. And He is bringing healing. Healing beyond what anyone can say.