One of my children has been acting like a lunatic lately. She is extremely angry and acts out at almost every opportunity. You can barely get her to talk about her father. Last night was a fun-filled passionate night of outrageous behavior. She screamed (yes, screamed) for three hours. I am not kidding you. She didn't stop at all. She didn't say anything she just screamed.

It also did not matter what I tried to do to get her to stop.

Needless to say that last night was exhausting. I think I finally got to bed at around one o'clock. I woke up today feeling like I am rocking a hang over, even though I haven't had any alcohol to drink. My body hurts, my sinuses hurt, everything aches. Stress anyone?

Last night, this child, asked me to explain to her what would happen to her father if he died. She wanted to know if he would have bandaids and where he would go. No, she was not referring to the heaven/hell talk, she meant the physical aspect of where would his body go...would it stay in Iraq? Would he come back here? Would she see it? What would he wear? Would he fly here or drive? Would he be lonely?

So I did my best to describe it. I'm glad it was in the dark, so she couldn't see me crying. I don't understand this. I don't relate to the personality that ignores what hurts them. This is a challenge for me to try to penetrate her walls and barriers and help her to understand that talking about them will help her to feel better. I don't know how to make a four year old see that bottling it up and ignoring it, is only making herself miserable. Screaming, clearly, isn't making the sadness that she feels disappear, and it isn't bringing her father back.

I woke up this morning needing something to be different. I prayed that God would help me to handle this day with his grace, kindness, and compassion. Do you know what I woke up to? My dog pooped on my floor. Yup!