The lobster told me recently that he has started reading my blog consistently. It's actually somewhat of a strange revelation. I think he's on a mission to understand me differently. I think he is diving into my hopes, dreams, and challenges. Truthfully, I've never known him this way. A couple of years ago, everything in our relationship changed. Okay, I'll admit, we've had significant life changing events that have changed our marriage before, but this one wasn't any sort of internal (intra-relationship) event, it was external.

The Army burned me. When they attempted to scald him with their boiling water, he didn't back me up. He didn't defend me, stand up for me, or protect me. It was devastating. It was life altering. As you read this, you might be thinking that all of those perspectives were geared towards him. They weren't. I was devastated by myself.

At the time, I had an amazing life-mentor around who was going through hell in her marriage. She kept talking to me about submission and I kept smiling and nodding (while thinking she was stuck in 1948 and needed to come to the present). She had a thousand reasons to leave him, biblical ones, and yet she stayed. She kept right on trying to submit to him, despite how difficult he made it for her.

When the lobster didn't stand up for me, I realized something: why would he stand up for me when I've done nothing but duct tape him to the floor. I was devastated by myself. You see, I lived in the lie that says "if he won't lead then I have to!" I could not conceptualize a universe where he would lead, when I stopped.

I started this study that literally changed my life. It changed my thinking and made me see everything so differently. I think the lobster noticed. The conversations changed from: "I'm going to do this" to "What do you think I should do about this? I don't want to do anything that you don't lead me to do. I don't want to ever be in a situation where you doubt my character." When you talk to your husband like that, it is impossible for even the most reluctant man (who has been duct taped for years...) to not lead. Truth is, they want to, most of the time we don't let them.

Can I tell you how different my life is now? It is amazing! All the worries that I used to carry around on my shoulders are gone. The anxiety, the resentment, the sleeplessness are gone. The fear I used to have all the time is completely different now. I have a sense of safety that I didn't know was humanly possible. I have peace. I have freedom. I have so much more freedom than I ever had before.

Can I tell you how different he is now? He is the man I fell in love with ten years ago. He is ballsy. He is determined. He is more loyal than the word can even begin to describe. He is completely in love with me. He'll kill anyone who even remotely tries to mess with me. He defends me. He protects me. He appreciates me. He compliments me. He cherishes me. He guides me. He warns me. He listens to me. He respects me.

He is the epitome of my knight in shining armor. He is everything that I ever wanted in a human being. I never knew that love could be like this. Who knew how desperately men need to lead, and how much we need to be led? I sure didn't!