On behalf of a grateful nation...

Trying to shake off the haze of last night. I had the most agonizing dream I think I've ever had in my whole life. It was so real, and so vivid that it was like a memory. In fact, if I didn't have assurances to the contrary I might believe it was real.

The mind is incredibly powerful. It has the ability to convince itself of its most horrible circumstances. It has the power to launch us into images and dreams that are completely fabricated.

I dreamed last night that you died. I dreamed details of the day that I was told. I dreamed it so clearly that it was as if a memory and not a dream. I dreamed the echo of the hand knocking on the door. I dreamed their faces with intricate detail. In fact I think I could draw a picture of them, it was that clear. I dreamed what the kids and I were doing before that knock on the door came. I dreamed what I was wearing, what they were wearing, where Jake was... I dreamed that I was sitting in my grandfather's chair screaming and I couldn't stop and I couldn't unclench my fists. I dreamed going to bed and trying to wrap my brain around the set of circumstances I was in. I dreamed that I was laying in bed staring at skype, willing you to sign on, so that it could all be a mistake. I dreamed that when I finally fell asleep, I was dreaming that it didn't happen and wasn't real. I woke up to the memory of the knock on our front door. I woke up feeling hungover and emotionally exhausted. I woke up feeling like I was uncertain if this whole situation was real or not.

I am thankful for your message to me. I am thankful that dreams are just dreams and not realities. I am thankful that for this moment, you and me are still "us". I am thankful that I can laugh today. I am thankful that my best friend is still breathing.

I am devastated that for some family today, this is not the case. I am broken by the suffering that some person is having poured on their lap on this Thursday afternoon. I am devastated by the doorbell ringing, or the knock on the door, and the two men in their dress uniforms telling that person their soldier has died. I can only pour out endless heavenly prayers that God's illogical comfort will be rained down upon them. I can only pray that God will bring the most loving people around them. I can only pray that in their suffering, peace will abound. I can only say that my heart is aching with them. I can only beg this nation to honor these soldiers and their families forever. I can only promise that I will.