Helpers hands and addiction

I think I have hit the let's-find-some-sort-of-normal phase of deployment. I find myself strangely energized, eager to organize, sort through and purge. I find myself wanting my house to be more and more like my home. I find myself eager get my own system and routine down.

It helps to slow down my busy-ness. It helps to remove the obsessiveness that I have with my complete and utter workaholic personality and refocus. It helps, but it's actually incredibly hard for me to do. I have a plethora of trust and loyalty issues, and I can't handle the thought of having someone feel uninformed, left out, or ignored. These things burden me, so they push me to spend hours and hours each day on the phone, on facebook, sending emails, having meetings, and answering text messages.

I think God had a lot of reasons for why I didn't become a doctor, and why he also made me a woman. I can only imagine how utterly heartless I would be if I were a man. I would be completely married to my work. It would be my total focus. To be honest, I sort of am now. I am blessed that I have a husband who is entirely capable of making me settle that down, and four children whom I love enormously, who help me to stay grounded.

I am a complete over achiever. I think I have always been that way. I don't really know how to stop it and to be honest I don't think I really want to. The Army, and FRG's in particular, need more over achievers. They need more people who actually really love this life and are crazy passionate about living it to the fullest. They need more people who care less about titles, promotions and awards, and more about the people who are living it. That's not to say I don't like to be recognized, I definitely do! It is always nice to have someone notice how hard you're working and give encouragement. It just shouldn't be the reason to do things. I do this because I remember what it was like to go through this the first, second, third, and fourth times. I remember what it was like to be pregnant with my husband away. I remember what it was like to have three very sick children while my husband was gone. I know what it is to lose friends in this life. I know what it's like to support my husband while he grieves his friends. I have fought the medical system. I have studied the acronyms, studied the ARs, moved my family, and on and on. This life is hard sometimes. It is also the most amazing experience ever. I was blessed that during my third rodeo, someone came alongside me and showed me how to love this life. She literally is whom I owe so much of my Army wife perspectives to. I want to pay it forward.

So yes, I am a workaholic. I spend way "too many" hours helping other people. But to be completely truthful, I know that on my death bed I'm not going to say "I really wish I hadn't helped so many people."