I try to figure out how to describe you... I keep trying to write and write and write so that I can have you inked, tattooed, and stained on my mind... Or maybe on my fingertips. I don't know. I have always spoken things so much more clearly when they're spewing out of fingers. My mouth tends to switch in to a different frame... It focuses too much on things it maybe shouldn't. I have always been better on paper.

You are gone. It's cemented with a finality that I scarcely recognize. I have never been in this set of circumstances before. It feels like your spirit isn't here anymore. It's like you left and every single aspect of you left with you. I keep looking and waiting for the haunting of your ghost to surprise me...

I feel lost in suspended animation. I feel frozen in time. I feel like I'm just waiting... Waiting for the door to close and for the news to hit. Waiting for the finality. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel catastrophic. I feel silent. I feel like fighting. I feel like quitting. I feel like crying. But yet nothing comes out.

I feel like putting on my shoes and running until I collapse. I feel like telling my heart to stop beating just so I won't have to face it.

I miss you.