I am learning what having a family really means. My husband said something recently about learning to understand why Christ said that anyone who loves his father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. He was saying that he believes I am currently in a set of circumstances about learning how to do this.

I will admit to you, that having the lobster lead me spiritually is a completely brand new thing. Quite honestly, it has only been since we have become involved in Christ's church that this spiritual awakening within him has begun. I love it. It's bizarre sometimes, but it's a change that I love. To see my husband growing in God and having the power and might of God dwelling within him is humbling. It's also uplifting.

I will be honest and say that I have very few people who really know me. The majority of the universe knows the persona that I seem to quite adequately portray. The woman who is black and white, ferociously argumentative, hell bent on getting her way, and will fight anyone who attempts to disagree with her. There are very few, a select few, who have been blessed with the ability to discover me beyond this persona. They have come to know the intense individual underneath all of that. They have come to understand what I genuinely mean, even when others portray that type of behavior. They have come to know the real me.

It's funny because the lobster challenges me SO much. He literally guides me in almost everything I do. So when he tells me to do something, people are literally shocked by the notion of me obeying it. I suppose it's because I portray such a persona of "no one's going to tell me what to do". They literally don't believe that the lobster could say "go" and I would go. Or that he could say "Don't go" and I wouldn't go.

When I began travelling down this incredibly uncomfortable aspect into Christ's church, I was intensely argumentative. I felt so uncomfortable and angry with God. I felt like everything I 'knew' about Him was no longer true, and I began to be filled with doubt and despair. To join this "church" was like joining the devil himself, and it was entirely contrary to my nature.

It's crazy the way I feel now. What I have seen to be true, now. It's like having worn blinders for your whole life, and finally having them come off. It was also strange that the lobster was the one who seemed to see the truth so much more quickly than me. Perhaps it is true to the nature of women being weaker. I am weaker. I freely confess it. That's one of the reasons why having a husband is so beautiful. He is stronger than me, and stronger than the emotional tides which seem to pull me in and throw me out. He is steadfast.

I feel like a child. As much as that sensation is foreign to me, it is also beautiful and exciting.