not so angry anymore

Sitting maybe three feet across from me is my best friend, the person who just gets me. He knows the intricacies. He knows my ins and outs. He requires me to offer no explanations. He just gets it. I can write an angry, massive Army venting blog and he'll go, "Okay. You got it out. Do you feel better now?" I am thankful for that. I am thankful for his ability to make me laugh. I am thankful for how much he loves me.

I know that he didn't settle. I know that he doesn't look at me and say to himself that I'm better than nothing. I was his top prize...first choice...intense desire. I was his superstar.

I have never met an individual that knew me as intimately as he did. I have never known someone that I have adored so quickly, especially with as much resistance as I dished out. I fought him. I fought him with all the might I had. But he would just smile, or call, or write, or anything and I would cave. I would crumble. I could not resist him.

Right now I am surrounded by chaos. My son is playing with an exercise ball, while my daughters are chasing each other around. The noise volume is intense. I love the sound of my children's laughter. My lobster is sitting on the couch with his torn at the knee jeans on, wearing a dad t shirt that I got him when we found out we were pregnant with our oldest.

While I sit here I think to myself that this is what contentment feels like. This is what love looks like. I wouldn't change a thing. Even if he goes away and never comes back, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't give back of moment of my affection. Even if he cheats on me and decides I am no longer worth his time, I wouldn't regret a moment of my love for him. Even if he loses his mind and I have to walk down the valley of the shadow of death, I wouldn't wish him away.

I know that the very previous post was filled with my adult version of a temper tantrum, and you're probably thinking, huh!? but this is who I am. I am messy, and confusing, and complicated, and dramatic. I am intense and passionate. I am human.

I was wanting to write more...but my lobster has asked me to get off of here so that I can go help him. Off I go! Hope you're having a good night, where ever you all are! :)