I will never forget when I first met him, it was on the phone. It is kind of funny that the two men in my life that I have loved the most (not regarding my pops) have both come into my life via the phone. I actually never made that correlation until just now. Hm. Okay, anyways...my friend at the time was going to a dance with him and I, being the protective friend that I am, wanted to make sure he was legit and nice. I don't know how I was intending to handle things if he was a jerk, but...I guess I didn't really think about things like that back then. I remember talking to him the first time on the phone...I was a social butterfly. Seriously. I have always been pretty outgoing, and I was in this instance. But, EVERY SINGLE question that I asked him was met with a "I'm not going to tell you that!" Seriously!? They weren't personal questions either. It was like, "What's your favorite subject in school? What's your favorite song." Seriously. Stuff like that. He was the most secretive, self controlled human being I had ever met. I was challenged by this. I was bound and determined to understand him. I have no explanation for my almost instantaneous fondness for him. It was in no way romantic. Not even slightly. Not even the tiniest of hints in regards to romance. For some reason, I was connected. I remember the only thing I could ever get him to talk about was football. So our friendship bonded over that. He talked about football and I talked about....well, mostly everything else, while he listened. It was an equation that worked for us.
Why am I telling you this story now? Because MEW was the first person that ever made me feel loved. Seriously. He was the first person who wasn't obligated to love me, accept me, or be there for me. He had nothing to gain. He has never liked me romantically (trust me. I promise). I wasn't someone he could cheat off of at school (different schools). We didn't go to church together (he doesn't). There was literally no logical reason for the connection.
It is very difficult for me to communicate in words my affection for him. Quite simply put, he is my older brother. Seriously. He just is, though not biologically. Let me lay it out for you...he is the only person in my life, who isn't my bio sibling that I can fight with to the point that I literally want to rip his throat out (and vice versa), not talk to each other for a month or two because we're mad, and then pick up the conversations again with no issues. We might have a casual, quick chat, about what we were mad about but that's it. We fight hard, don't talk, then move on.
We have been together through countless relationships, broken hearts, challenging life experiences, depressions, elations, terrifying situations, and on and on. We have laughed, I have cried (come on...he is a dude!), fought like crazy, supported, pointed out flaws, and had each other's backs. I will never forget how badly I wanted to kick the you-know-what of an ex girlfriend of his who completely messed him over. To this day I'm slightly bitter and I might say something if I ever saw her. But that's what you do when you love someone, right? You have their back.
The first time I knew I mattered to him was as I was coming off a year of earthly hell. The person I was in a relationship with totally messed me up. I mean, the ugly kind. I was sort of traumatized by it. Okay, not sort of, I really was. I was a basket case. I remember MEW telling me if that guy ever showed his face he was going to beat him down. I remember how mad he was. It was in that moment, through that situation, that I knew that hard hearted, stubborn as all get out, "I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-that" individual's heart had softened to this insanely outgoing, ballsy, borderline cocky (he would completely tell you that I am insanely cocky and enter in a statement about me being the Queen right here), and deeply sensitive individual. It was then, that I began to know what it meant to have someone love me who didn't have to, wasn't obligated to, and had nothing to gain from it. That is beautiful.
To be honest, I have never seen a friendship like ours. Seriously. We are over ten years out from high school (and he's older than me so he left first) and we are still friends. He is still my big bro. He would still beat down probably any dude that messed with me, and vice versa. He still bosses me around, and vice versa. He still points out my flaws, and challenges my perspectives, and vice versa.
So this posting is dedicated to my big bro, who my only son is named after. You have gotten me through countless screwed up relationships, hard experiences, things I didn't think I'd be able to get through, cry fests, angry outbursts, screwed up statements I have made, and on and on. You were the only person who didn't laugh at me when I was 19 and told you I met the dude I was going to marry. You were the only person bold enough to tell me to ditch the interim dude and go back to my lobster. You were the one who, over starbucks coffee, told me that he is the only boy you have ever seen me be in love with. You helped me handle crazy-ville when I didn't think I could, without rejecting him. You accepted my dramatic antics, my black and white perspectives, my intense religiousness, my foot-in-mouth statements, my impulsiveness, and my hypocritical actions. You have always accepted me as is. I hope you always know what you mean to me. I am in awe of you. I am grateful for you.
Here's to another fifteen years, and to you, hopefully, finding a girl and settling down soon. What? I can hope, right!? :)
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