He is the greatest man I have ever known. I do not say that lightly either. All of my faithful friends, family, and readers know the experiences that he and I have been through in our marriage. I am blessed that God has given me the freedom to love him wholly. To love him this freely, this deeply, this way... My heart could be so grieved. Society wouldn't begrudge me, and quite honestly, most Christians wouldn't either. Many would say I have a valid excuse to hate him...to resent him...to despise him.
I wish I could show you the grace that he has given to me.
Do you know how beautiful it is to be wholly loved? To have someone that loves you despite the fact that you often, unintentionally, act like a fool, or talk too much, or do other things that aren't "supposed" to be done? (I feel the need to clarify that I am not referring to infidelity or any thing that would jeopardize the purity and sanctity of my marriage.) He loves me, trusts me, and sets me free to do what my heart is burdened or convicted to do. He loves me with freedom. It is interesting to note that he is the only man who has been capable of giving me that. I have been in a few relationships in my day (seriously...wish I could say differently), and all other men saw me as a wild, uncontrollable, fascinating force of a woman and they wanted to tame me, control me, change me. They wanted that or at least to bask in the off gassing of my bold statements. I don't know. They always wanted me to be something different than who I was. It seemed like they found their manly value in being able to mold me in to some cookie cutter image of who they wanted me to be.
But not my lobster. When I met him I instantly knew I would never be the same. Here was an individual that from a spiritual level, instantly impacted me. It was an instant connection like none I had ever had before. He loved me quietly. He loved me freely. He encouraged me to continue in my independence with education and schooling. He set me free to be me. And in turn for that freedom, I cancelled our wedding, broke up with him, and started dating someone else. I. walked. away.
For most people that would've been the end of it. That would've been the point where they would say...that chick is crazy. She is out of control. She is probably a lot of bad words. And maybe he did some of those things. Yet, despite all of my instability, he still loved me freely. He stayed single throughout my nearly two year long relationship with someone else. He occasionally would call me to check in because I was his "best friend" and you "just don't walk away from that." I was aloof. I was even mean, and he still loved.
Eventually that other relationship ended and God allowed me to be reunited with my heart's mate in every way. He has so preciously, and beautifully, loved me through controlling outbursts, attitudes like you wouldn't believe, laziness, panics (let me tell you...the two and half years at the beginning of the triplets existences were not pretty), and on and on.
What I find a little funny is that he attained the goal of what so many before him could not do. I wonder if he saw my ability when I couldn't. I wonder if he knew that the only way to achieve that change was to accept me for who I was and allow God to do the changing. I don't know. I've never asked him. For him to have known that takes immense wisdom. It takes heavenly discernment.
I am in awe of him. I have the utmost respect for him (and that is something I don't give out easily). I cherish him more than I know how to describe. I am so blessed. I am so blessed.
God has given me so much joy. Yes, I have had periods of immense suffering and agony, but the result is extremely worth it. There is so much freedom in love. Real love sets you free.
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