You've missed it. Seriously. You've got an enormous amount of intellectual knowledge and understanding, but you, you personally have missed the message. You have head knowledge, head understanding, but the spirit, the root, the intent has been lost on you. You haven't met my Savior yet.
Most "Christians" have the opposite of you. They hear the love message, accept that, barely measuring the cost or value of it, and accept it. They haven't analyzed it, pondered it, or questioned it. They were spoon fed something that sounded lovely and comforting so they accepted it. It is sort of like signing up for a fundraiser. It looks good, sounds good on paper and it doesn't really cost much. Box checked, situation handled, ticket to heaven purchased. I.am.good.
You are the opposite. You've done all of the pondering, analyzing, questioning. You have looked at it, studied it, and decided its value. It's enormous, intense, amazing value.
Yet, when I look at you, when my spirit connects with you, my heart grieves. Tears fall when I pray for you. Did you know I pray for you? Every day. Seriously.
I wish I could make you understand. I'm not certain if I even know how, or if I am capable of giving it to you. Do I believe you know Jesus? You bet I do. Without a doubt. I don't question it at all. Do I believe you have found the freedom that comes only from Him? Nope.
His love is enough. It's so much so enough that when a husband wraps his hands around a wife's neck and tries to kill the life out of her, over and over again, His love is enough to restore that marriage. When a woman is lonely from her fifty years of walking this earth alone, and she is diagnosed with stage four cancer, her family is gone and she is alone, fighting this battle of all battles, His love is enough. His love is enough when a woman is raped, and then sickly returns to her rapist over and over again in order to demean the significance of what he stole from her. His love is enough to hold the alcoholic who deeply wants that drink in order to wash away the agony of all that has been stolen from them. His love is enough when you are standing at the base of the biggest mountain, all alone, with no one to help you carry the burden of four children on their way to their father's funeral, who was stop lost from his ETS date in the military, and died at war. His love is enough when a father walks out on their child because she wasn't a boy. His love is enough to heal the wounds of sexual molestation, parental neglect and abuse. His love is enough to hold the woman who sold her body to men because she believed it didn't matter. His love heals all wounds, comforts all agonies, saves. His love saves. His love takes all of the crap that life dishes out, removes it, repackages it, rejuvenates it, and replaces it with His heart. His blood running through your veins is powerful enough to compensate for any agony, any suffering, any fear.
So when you ask me if I think I understand what you believe... it isn't that simple to answer. I pray every day that God will help me to show you, help me to love you, help me to accept you the way that He does. I am so weak, so feeble, and so incapable of doing anything for you that my heart would love to do. But I know that He is considerably bigger than your greatest hurts, because he is bigger than mine. Maybe some day opportunity will allow me to give you my testimony. Maybe some day God will burden my heart to share it with you. I don't really know. But when you ask me if I know the hope that I hold on to...you bet your life I do. I know my Jesus. I know what He has done for me. So am I willing to keep on loving someone who is as difficult to love as you believe you are? Of course. He is bigger than the greatest pile of nonsense, rage, controlling aspects, hateful words, than you can ever dish out at me. I believe it is my sincerest duty to love you as long as I can. Are we not all heirs to the kingdom of heaven? Then how could I ever allow one of my sisters or brothers to believe they are so unlovable?
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