Lobster

You taught me how to feel alive. I never really did before you came around. I was sort of humming along, in black and white, telling jokes and trying to think about anything other than myself. There was no color. There was no magic. I had no excitement, or girlyness. I wasn't giggly. I was overbearingly hilarious (I tried to be anyway), crazy outgoing, hidden in a sea of people, focused on my goals and ambitions. Nothing was going to stop me.

You popped into my life as a complete miracle. It was like you came and brought color with you. I was instantly in love. I lost all of my masks. My walls came tumbling down, along with all of my rules as well. I couldn't stop myself. I had to love you. I fell in love with everything you brought: color, giggles, light, laughter, normalcy, love, focus.

You saved me from myself. You saved me from a "normal" existence. You saved me from living my life to fulfill the status quo of expectations laid out before me. You saved me from a life of gray.

I don't know why I was so surprised that you were able to save me again. I don't know why you were the only one who could pin point exactly what I needed. I don't know why I was surprised that you could reach me, when I seem to have forgotten how to reach myself.

I did all the things you told me to today. I don't feel like the gray is completely gone, but at least I feel like I accomplished something valuable. When I was pouring myself out at you, immersed in my lackadaisical misery, you said something that I never thought you would: You've been like this before. Back when the triplets were born.

So in the haze of what can only be God Himself telling you exactly what to tell me, you gave me an assignment. When you gave it to me I thought to myself that it wasn't going to happen. I thought it was silly and impossible to do on this day of all days. Before I knew it, I was accomplishing task one. Then when I came back from that, task two was being finished. Then, about three hours ago, task three found its way into the completed category and here I sit, laughing, because you were right! You were exactly right about what I needed.

Thank you chief. You always know how to save me, especially when I don't think it's possible for me to be saved by anyone.