A moment passed this evening that struck me. I was standing at the refrigerator and I felt you there behind me. I felt you almost move through me, as if the ghost of your memory was kissing me on the neck as I pulled the milk carton off the shelf. I got goosebumps, just like I normally do, and I felt my brain wanting to turn around to kiss you back. In the split second of the beautiful scenario, my mind remembered that it wasn't real and I continued on with my milk carton.
I believe that at that moment, your spirit left you, perhaps momentarily, perhaps hallucinatingly, perhaps however, and came to visit me at the refrigerator. Maybe you were day dreaming, maybe you were sleep dreaming, or maybe our love is just that strong so as to cross barriers of space and time.
The nay sayers are reading this email saying I'm ridiculous. They're saying to themselves That poor girl. She just can't accept that he isn't there. Maybe they're right. Maybe I can't. Maybe I'm lost in illusions and fantasies. If that is the case, I am quite happily so. Who says reality can't include fantasy? Who says they are mutually exclusive?
On the flip side of that coin, I can still say maybe they're wrong. Maybe the human spirit is more powerful than we give it credit for. Maybe we really do have the ability to peak in the windows of the human soul, when two are merged together as one. Maybe he and I truly are enmeshed, entangled, mixed up, and so completely jumbled together like a bowl of cooked spaghetti that him being in Iraq and me being in the US have truly become irrelevant. Maybe we get to be the exception to the rules of separation. Maybe I am wandering around all day long in his dreams, and maybe he is in mine. Maybe my day plays out, spiritually connected, as if he was here the whole time. Maybe our hands get to touch, our faces get to press, our lips get to meet, and our bodies get to relax.
Maybe fantasy is so much better than reality. Maybe illusion keeps us from being lost in this dust storm.
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