The ugly cry

Tonight after the kids all went to bed, and the house was quiet...I heard a noise. It sounded like distant sniffling. The sound grew and grew until I knew exactly what it was...a cry. It was a powerful cry. It was the kind of cry that is filled with anguish and deep sadness. It was an ugly cry.

Usually when one is ugly crying in this house, it is me. But not tonight. Tonight my heart broke as I realized the ugly cry was coming from my six year old...lolli. I walked up to the door and listened in a bit. My heart was hoping that her tears were over something mundane...a book was ripped, she can't find her pillow, her blankaby is missing...I knew in my heart this wasn't the case, but I still hoped.

As I listened at the door I heard her cry out to God through her tears "I miss my daddy! I just miss him so much. I need my daddy!" I didn't know if I should open the door or not. For a moment I felt frozen...I hate watching my child grieve. I also knew that she was grieving to the One who could comfort her more than I could...

After what felt like ages, but was probably more like thirty seconds, I decided to go in. I opened the door and saw her curled up in a ball on her bed. She had her Bible next to her and she was crying so hard. I said, "Are you okay Lolli?" She said, "I just miss my daddy so much! I am crying because I just miss him so much."

I climbed on her bed and wrapped my arms around her. In times like this, there really isn't much to say. This hurts. I am not going to try to minimize her feelings. I'm not going to fill her head with statements like "It'll be okay." No it won't. It's not okay. It sucks. It hurts. It isn't fair. And that's how life is sometimes.

I laid there holding her. I told her I loved her while she cried. I told her I miss him too. Then we prayed. We both took our feelings our Creator.

I will tell you...I am so hurt. This just sucks.