So just in case you missed it, this weekend is Easter. I am fairly certain that the reality of that has not been lost on you...but you never know. Considering the holiday-ness of this weekend, I have been fairing up pretty well. I have had little to no emotional outbursts. Sure, today when the kids were doing their easter egg hunting, my mind was thinking, "boy...I sure wish he was here for this!" and "Make sure you get enough pictures! You don't want him to miss this!" and "one more 'holiday' apart..." but I didn't start crying, so that was a success! Right? I may have been slightly agitated, but I tried hard not to be.
It wasn't until we got home. I don't know if it was his car parked in the driveway, or his slippers on my living room floor, or the fact that he just isn't here...I don't know. The site of the candy sitting on the counter launched me into tears. Isn't it always that way? We manage to make it through the actual "events" all right, but some random bread crumb will freak you out and have you curled up in the fetal position bawling like a baby on your kitchen floor. It's slightly embarrassing. Okay, not slightly, it's mega embarrassing, especially when your four children are looking at you like what the heck is wrong with you lady!? while you're trying to communicate in English that you are not in pain, or dying, or losing your mind, you just miss their daddy. Once you find the ability to communicate that, their momentary panic gives way to slight relief, then sadness too. Maybe team sadness is necessary sometimes...
I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss venting on him. I miss his crap irritating me all over our house. I miss sleeping next to him. I miss looking at him. I miss being near him. I miss sharing moments with him. I miss how he can calm me down. I miss the "picture" being complete. I miss my best friend.
sigh It is what it is...
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