I am so pissed. I am so mad I don't even know how to see straight. I am completely and utterly helpless, and I am completely angry about that. I am so sad, I am so drained, I am just so...done.
I feel like I need a change. I don't even know what that is or what it looks like, but I need it. I crave it. I want to run away. Maybe I should join the circus? I'd probably fit right in. :)
Can you answer me this? Why is it that when a Christian is sad, other Christians feel the need to bombard them with Bible verses or "I'm praying for you" comments? Why do Christians think it's unChristianly to be depressed!? Why are they so foolish? Was Jesus elated to go to the cross? Um...nope! Scripture tells us: A time to mourn... So why do Christians have this ridiculous need to try to "pray away" the sadness? Seriously. Sometimes a person has an awful lot of crap to be sad about. Sometimes a Christian actually needs to be sad. To deny that is to say that Christ sinned when He was sad, when He begged for His circumstances to go away. Sadness is not bad. It's beautiful. It's wonderful. It's amazing. It's the purest form of complete and utter vulnerability. The issue is in regards to where do you go with your sadness. To whom do you mourn? If I am falling apart and disintegrating do you really believe I am so stupid as to not take it to my Creator? Do you really believe that I would write it here, and then proceed to not talk to God about it? Do you really believe I would not have first taken my feelings to Him!? I mean seriously people. Seriously.
Stop trying to force feed chipper happy cheerfulness down everyone else's throats. There is a time for laughter, and a time for tears. Do we really so naively believe that God has not ALSO created sadness along with all other emotions!?
So tonight I am sad. I am pissed. I am fed up. That doesn't mean I don't trust God. That doesn't mean I need you to send me Bible verses. That doesn't mean my faith is literally falling apart. I know my God is bigger than this whole freaking dogpile of crap that is in front of me. I also know that He knows WAY more about my circumstances than I am capable of writing and you are capable of understanding.
Just because God is good all the time, does not mean that one is constantly happy about what He is doing, or is not emotionally pained and grieved by it. God was good when Christ went to the cross, but that did not mean that the emotional agony of it wasn't penetrating, that He was eager to jump at the situation. He begged for it to go away, but submitted to God's plan.
Okay...off my soap box now. I am just so tired of good intending Christians jumping down the throats of people who express their real feelings. It creates an environment where Christians are afraid to say what they're really experiencing out of fear of what all of the other Christians are going to say or think about them. That is not godly or God glorifying. Then we end up with "cookie cutter" Christians who are not really pouring out their realities, and then we have Christians who pretend to be perfect, as opposed to exposing their raw, powerful feelings, and allowing others to see that God still works through, loves on, and moves mountains in the angry, broken hearted, depressed individuals. God is not the God of only the happy. He is the God of the broken hearted and humble in spirit. He gives strength to the weary, but His strength is only made known when the broken hearted pour out their weaknesses at His feet, and aren't afraid to confess it to others.
You are right, saddness, anger,frustration etc... are all valid and nessasary feelings instilled in us by our creator. There is nothing intrinsicly wrong with them. These feelings are actually healthy responses to the many trials life can bring. There is a redemptive nature in suffering. It unites us with Jesus suffering on the cross. Go ahead feel what ever you emotion life throws at you just remember that through our pain and sorrow there is always hope. Healing comes through embrancing the range of emotions that lifes trials throw at us, feeling them in all their compleities, giving us the opportunity to deal with them in what ever manor suites us then moving on when we are ready. It is the natural way to cope with lifes struggles. There is nothing unchristian about it. In fact it is Christian to suffer. Christ is our example and his example was the cross but we need not ever loss sight of the fact that the Cross is not the end but the begining. With the cross always comes the glory of the resurrection.
ReplyDeleteAMEN! I completely agree!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, and would only like to add that most people have the instinct to reply to sad news with some sort of trite encouragement. I have gotten it a lot with wedding planning. If I have to hear "It's only one day" one more time...j/k. Seriously though, it's hard to give someone comfort when you are not privy to the detail of their situation. So you simply project your own experience onto their pain. It makes people feel better to spew niceties instead of actually considering that pain is part of the process. One of the best pieces of advice I every received about pain was in acting class. My teacher said that when something tragic happens, the worst thing you can do is waffle between okay and devastated. She advised to pick one. Either be okay, and move forward. Or, wallow in it until there isn't anything left to wallow in. Let it all out. I'm more of the, it'll be okay, let's not dwell on things I can't control/change/escape from type of girl, but sometimes wallow I must. When you explore your pain to it's full extent, and then step away, the next time it comes up, at least for me, I already know I have it under control.
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