Seven years ago was a terrible day. Really. It was. I wasn't allowed to get ready in my own bathroom. I was cussed out by my sister. I was uncomfortable, awkward, and agitated. Our "day" was nothing like I had envisioned. It was not what I wanted.
To explain, everyone who knows me knows how extremely difficult it is for me to show my vulnerability of love for my husband, in front of people. I did not want a big wedding. To be honest, I wanted to marry him alone. I wanted no one there. I wanted to marry him privately, without fuss, without the expense of a zillion dollars.
I have always had a difficult time being vulnerable around people. I think it has gotten better over the years, but back then it was at its peak. I was also terrified to actually stand there and promise my self, my life, my body to one person for forever. To do that with a bunch of people looking on made me extremely uncomfortable. To then add to that the additional frustrations of a last minute wedding (due to deployment) was even more intense. Getting married was very hard for me to do. It wasn't that I didn't want to marry him. I desperately did. It was just the action of it. It was all so phony, so unreal, so false. A wedding was like a giant parade of look at us! We love each other! Let's make a bunch of promises while all these people watch! Let me just add, I am not anti weddings. It's just that ours was nothing like what we wanted. But we didn't want to let our families down, so we did what we thought they wanted us to do, rather than what we wanted to do.
Needless to say, the day was awful. We didn't have a real cake, I hated my dress, we didn't have a photographer, no first dance, didn't know our officiant (our chaplain got sent off three days before our wedding so we were married by a good 'ole phone book pastor who was kind enough to marry us last minute), sisters weren't exactly nice to me, parents didn't even know the lobster, completely rushed, tornado blew through town, just overall awful. To be fair, D tried her utmost hardest to make it a wonderful day for us. For that I will always be grateful. But it was nothing that the lobster or I wanted.
I suppose it's strange that our actual wedding day was so awful. The relationship has been the most amazing of my life. Everyone says the day doesn't matter, it's the relationship that does. I have to be honest, I completely agree. Our relationship is the most beautiful of all. Maybe that's because the day itself sucked horribly. Maybe having an awful wedding means you get to have an amazing marriage. Or maybe I just need to tell myself that so I can feel better. :)
My husband is the greatest of men. I am so thankful that our son has him as a role model. I am so grateful that every day I get to stand beside him as his partner. I am so happy that he is my best friend. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better husband. He is the epitome of all a Godly man and husband should be. I truly look up to him. I deeply respect him. He still gives me goose bumps every time he touches me. He still makes me giggle like a school girl when he's around. I still feel nervous and anxious those first few seconds when he walks into a room. I know that we're still kids in the marriage realm. I hope that when we're 18, that we will still feel like a couple of teenagers, madly in love, crazy about each other, giggly and goofy.
I love growing up with him. It is such a blast! :)
PS. We continue to say that one of these days we will "redo" our awful wedding day and have it be how WE want it to be. Perhaps one day we will... :)
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