Salvation

What assurance is there of salvation? I mean, when you actually sit down and think about it, do you really know where you will spend eternity? Or is it just a plethora of I hopes and I thinks? I don't like the idea of spending my days under a guise of maybes or maybe nots. I just don't think that's good enough.

When it comes to the notion of eternity, for most of us, it's something that we'd rather not think too much about. I think that most people are actually afraid of dying. It's too difficult to see beyond the idea of death to what might come after.

Speaking as someone who has been near death (and then prevented from it because of medical intervention) on multiple occasions (it's a long story...I might tell you about them some time...if you ask), death doesn't hurt. Really. I have lived so many moments in fear of dying. I can honestly tell you that your body goes into this euphoric state that is indescribable. You feel no pain, you feel no pleasure. It's almost like everything going on around you moves in slow motion. Your senses are heightened. Not the sense of pain, but rather your awareness. Your mind is sharp. Your ears plug into sounds that are far away that you might not have otherwise heard. You remember.

For me, the notion of dying in itself, is not so frightening. The more uncomfortable of ideas is where will I spend eternity? I find the notion of saying "I WILL be in heaven forever" to be cocky and ridiculous. I think it signifies a level of spiritual immaturity. When you actually see yourself, I mean, in your genuine and utter human-ness, then how can you ever genuinely believe you have obtained salvation? Faith is an abstract idea. Especially for Americans. We are not put in positions where our faith is tested to be genuine or false. We are not in positions where someone is torturing us, or taking from  us, or challenging us, to separate genuine faith from comfortable "faith."

Paul said that he didn't consider salvation as something that he had already obtained, but rather that he was running the race so as to win the prize. Not that salvation is something we "earn" but rather that the idea of saying, "Okay...I've done enough. I 'believe' enough. I 'love' Him enough. I've purchased the ticket." is not something that we should have.

Our faith, in America, is tested in such sneaky ways. It is tested in our things, our time, our resources. It is tested in our love of those who are difficult to love. It is tested in our hands. I hear people say all the time "we are the hands and feet of Jesus", yet the people they are constantly "helping" are other Christians. How is that being the "hands and feet"? Were we sent here to serve each other, or to serve the lost? If the only people you surround yourself with are people who profess to love Jesus, then who are you really serving? What purpose do you really have? Aren't we put here to reach the lost? To love the unlovable? To penetrate the darkness? To bring Peace to the chaotic?

I don't think that bringing a meal to a sick Christian equates doing "God's work". I just don't. I think that's helping your family, which is the standard of what we should ALWAYS be doing. I think the idea that I am a good Christian because I bring food to people who've had babies or are sick that go to my church is ridiculous and shameful. Would you not feed your sister or brother or parents if they were hungry!? Of course you would. The real test is when you give of yourself to help someone who has no help, someone who has no advocate, someone who is genuinely alone.

How often do we drive by the homeless people on the street and think to ourselves I gave him a candy bar, I did my part. Aren't I so good Jesus? We are always afraid to go beyond our comfort, to leave our idea of safety. We don't genuinely have the faith that God will take care of us. We are hypocrites. Of this I am the greatest offender.

So when people ask me if I believe I am going to heaven...my answer is not that easy to say. I am a horrible example of Christ's love. I am a terrible giver of His grace and mercy. I do not have enough faith to expend, to exhaust, to display that which is beyond myself. I do not have the faith to give beyond my means, to adore those who are "unlovable", to put myself at risk. I am the worst of Christ-like individuals. My passion is not nearly equal to that which I want it to be. I don't love enough. I don't give enough. I don't serve enough. Not to earn any sort of level of His grace, but rather to show the world that His grace has so developed and completed me. I am not complete in Him. I want to be. Oh how I want to be.

May I never make light of Christ's name. May I never defame or dishonor Him. May I never pretend to be that which I am not. May I never attempt to give myself esteem or value based on obedience. May my life be better than this.