Parenting. It's scary!

I always hate when people write excuses for why they haven't updated their blogs. So I won't. My apologies.

The past couple of weeks I have really been vegging out. It's amazing how this time of year I end up completely exhausted. I don't feel like talking on the phone or doing much of anything, because everything is so GO GO GO and busy, busy, busy.

I have really been trying to pay a lot of attention to my kids. I think they've been overlooked the past few months. I have intentionally removed myself from the deployed-glued-to-the-phone viewpoint, and have made efforts to being with them. The truth is, they are growing up so fast. These moments will fade away quickly. Soon they will be grown up and I'll be sitting here wondering why I didn't play with them more and focus on everyone else less.

Tonight was one of these moments. We all sat around and watched a movie together. Then we turned on some Christmas music and started dancing. The dancing then led to laughing, which led to chasing, which led to two hours of fun and play time. It. was. a. blast.

Even now as an adult I remember the moments when my parents would chillax and play with us. There was one day when we went to the park and played "baseball" with a tennis racket (we were poor) and a hand ball (all we had). It was the time of my life. I didn't care about how we looked, or what other people thought. We were just having the time of our lives.

I wonder if these moments will be lasting for my children. I have to admit, I am a pretty strict mom. I really am. On the flip side of that, I want my children to remember their childhoods with smiles and silliness. I want them to remember a home where laughter reigned supreme. I want the foundation of their adult selves to be joy and love.

Why is this notion so easily lost in the chaos of raising children? For some it's lost in the guise of strictness and rules. For others it's completely lost in the complete and utter lack of any sort of rules at all. Truth is, raising kids is really freaking hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. The truth is, I don't really have any answers at all. Parenting is always a work in progress, an ever evolving process of figuring out some really weird stuff and then trying to set guidelines (which are always changing, by the way, because your kids get older and need larger guidelines!) and teach the kids to live within them. You are doing all of this, while also internally embarking on WWIII within your very self because all you want to do is protect them, shelter them, and save them from anything that might ever hurt them.

So anyway. I love the moments when I can throw off the roles of "momzilla" and just be silly and crazy. I love laughing with my children.