When I was fifteen years old (give or take some years) I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. I was told I would most likely never be able to have children. The scar tissue was enough to make it that even IVF would probably result in failure. So I wrapped my teenaged brain around the idea that I would never be a mother.
I went about my merry way and got married. Not right then, several years later. Because I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant, lets just say that "birth control" or some variant of that were far from my mind. At that time I had no moral opposition to birth control (I do now), but we just didn't use it. So about two and a half weeks after being married the "time of women" was late. A week late to be exact. I thought this was odd, because it was physically impossible for me to have gotten pregnant prior to my being married (unless God decided to create another miraculous birth, but I highly doubt that), and we had only been shaggalaging for a short period of time. Nevertheless the lobster pointed out that certain female assets had gotten bigger and then stated that he thought I was pregnant. Due to my belief that I was unable to conceive I thought this was pretty ridiculous. I took a test simply to oblige him. I genuinely did believe that it would be negative.
I went into the bathroom and did the "deed". Waited in there for the results, so that I could walk out and tell him "I TOLD YOU!!!!" Well, there was no need to wait the 2 minutes, that sucker was positive immediately. I opened that bathroom door walked right up to him and punched him square in the gut. Yes, yes I did. I went violent. Then I screamed at him "YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!" The worlds largest smile washed over his face. I swear, on some level, he was incredibly proud of himself. He probably thought "Yes! My man seed is SO potent that it can cut right through that scar tissue BS and implant itself in her uterus." While he sat there smiling and saying "Yay" I started to cry. Literally. This was not exciting news. I was devastated. I had plans. I had goals. I did not intend to have children. Children were going to come through adoption after medical school, after my residency was finished, when life was more "settled". They were not going to come from my body before medical school even began, a week before my husband was going to deploy.
He tried his best to comfort me. I started shaking (this is what I do when I'm panicking). I think he tried to hug me because I have a memory of pushing him away from me and saying "haven't you done enough to me!?"
I called my mom and told her. I was literally freaking out. Apparently my entire family believed that I was slutty enough to have gotten knocked up before we got married, and they anticipated this phone call as soon as they heard I was getting married. It is important to forgive them this horrible assumption as they know nothing of the military and the fact that rush weddings were incredibly common in a world where deployments were happening at the drop of a dime.
The lobster called his parents and told them and they were excited. His dad came into town that day to say his goodbye's before Chief deployed. That day Lolli's first baby gift was purchased: a lamb that spoke the words to "Now I lay me down to sleep". We still have it.
That day I was completely shocked. It was my first introduction to God having a completely different plan for my life than what I had imagined. I was blessed to bond with my firstborn in so many beautifully unique ways while her father was deployed. When he came home, she was almost five months old. She was my first child miracle. She is still the light of my heart. I have never encountered a child like her. She is filled with a spiritual wisdom and understanding that can only come from the God who miraculously created her.
It seems like yesterday that she was born. Can't believe that was almost seven years ago.
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