Friends

Babies and I don't get along. I think they're cute and cuddly and I am more than happy to watch a mommy snuggling and cuddling her little one. I'm just not the type of woman who oogles and desperately wants to hold babies. I had a hard enough time doing that on my own children. Don't get me wrong, I am tremendously happy for people who have babies. I am completely compassionate to the immensely exhausting task that they have just taken upon themselves. I know that babies are a gift from God. I understand all of that. I'm just not on the oh babies are so wonderful bandwagon. Or maybe it's just that they're not on mine.

Truth be told, babies hate me. I am that kind of person that a completely content and quiet baby gets around and then they're crying and unhappy and miserable. The lobster is the baby whisperer in this family. He has always had the special touch that little ones love. Me? I couldn't even get my own babies to quiet down...

Maybe that is a part of my issue. The last time I delivered babies was a nightmare...it was the type of experience that haunts the dreams of pregnant women. To deliver sick, dying, babies that you cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot nurse...the tears don't even begin to explain it. My body delivered a nightmare. So I have to admit, that has deeply effected my opinion of delivering children.

A couple of months ago, I was blessed with the most amazing of experiences: I got to watch my friend's body deliver a healthy, beautiful child. I was lucky to get to stand there and hold her hand through the emotionally exhausting, physically excrutiating, mind numbingly draining experience of delivering a human life. I got to stand there and watch this healthy, beautiful friend of mine give birth to this immaculate little girl. I got to see it all play out in an environment that wasn't laced with deployment goodbyes, or children fighting for their lives. I was blessed to have my memories of heartache replaced with a memory of beauty. For that alone, I will always adore this child.

"M" is the most amazing of babies. I have to admit, I am smitten. She is the only baby who adores me. Okay, maybe I'm tooting my own horn with the word "adore" but she genuinely likes me! I can get her to stop crying when I hold her (this is a miracle in and of itself). I can get her to fall asleep even though she fights it. She does this thing where she snuggles and nuzzles her cute little face into the crease of my neck and goes to sleep. She babbles and talks to me in her most adorable of two month old ways. I am literally in love with this child. She LOVES the cat voice. Seriously. When she is crying and grumpy and moody, I start talking in the cat voice and she quiets right down and starts listening. She loves it! 

I think this is the only baby on God's green earth that I wouldn't be terrified to be left alone with. Seriously! And for me, that is saying an awful lot! I love that I can help my most wonderful of friends by holding her beautiful child and giving her arms a break. I seriously know how much that can help in and of itself! 

Tonight I was thinking about the many losses that I have experienced. I was mourning the sadness of my own little one that isn't here with us. Then that wonderful moment, shared with my most precious of friends came into my mind and a smile washed over my heart. My friends have softened such rough and tough edges in me. They are helping me to become so much better than I thought possible. They have softened me to little ones, eased me into circumstances that I would have otherwise rejected. I wish I could explain them to you...I don't have words to say how the people I have met here have effected me. Forever I will appreciate and care for them. I hope you all know that you will always have a friend in me...

All my love...always... :)