Needless to say, this has caused some emotional overload in my heart. It has been impacting me down to my core and deeply effecting my sleep, mood, and compassion.
Yesterday I was talking to someone who is quickly becoming a dear friend of mine. The soon to be Mrs Godfather said one statement to me (after listening to me unload a lot of statements on her). She said: You have to pray and just let this go. It was spoken in the midst of a tangle of a thousand other words but it was right on. It was exactly the truth.
I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like having problems that I can't fix. I don't like watching people I love disintegrate, or pass away, or do foolish things.
However, in each of the scenarios of those people I love, what I am capable of doing is praying and sitting/standing/walking/being right beside them as they experience their agonies. I am capable of not ditching them in their crisis, or judging them for not doing things the way that I would. I am capable of loving them fiercely, passionately, desperately regardless of the outcomes. I am capable of showing them that the person beneath the struggle is beautiful and wonderful. I am capable of giving grace.
I have to let go of my emotions, and just love. It's strange because that is so utterly simple to do, but yet so completely challenging to do when the bombs are going off and the fires are burning.
So I've decided that today I'm going to listen to worship music and fill my heart with prayers. I'm going to fall against the strength of my beautiful husband and appreciate that he holds me up so that I can grab on to these beautiful people I love. Even if it's just squeezing them hard enough, while their worlds burns down and everything falls apart, so that they'll never forget they are not alone and they are loved.
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