Choices

It's too easy to forget the humanity in the people around us. It's too easy to look at our screaming, angry children and view it as a "power struggle" or as someone who's trying to get their way. It's too easy to view our spouses, parents, friends' failures with pinpoint accuracy all the while ignoring our own. It's too easy to expect people to live up to the pedestals that we've imagined for them, and forget that they're human beings.

Every day there is probably an internal list in Chief's mind of all the things he'd like me to do. I make mistakes constantly. I'm thoughtless and selfish and lazy. I am human. But what does Chief see when he looks at me? Does he see the sink full of dishes that I chose not to do, despite knowing he'd come home exhausted? No. Instead he chooses to see the way I smile when he walks in the room or the way my skin gets goosebumps every time he touches it. He puts his mind on the way I will sit and listen to his bad/great day and try to cheer him up or rejoice with him. He targets in on the way I cheer him on when he succeeds. He chooses to focus on my successes instead of my failures.

The same is true on the other end of the spectrum. This might surprise you to read, but Chief isn't very romantic. The man has deployed five times and I think I have received about 20 hand written letters TOTAL from all of them (I will remain mum on the amount of letters he's gotten from me). I have a list of things that I'd love for Chief to do every day that he doesn't. He's thoughtless, selfish and lazy. Just like me, he is human. But I choose what I will focus on. Chief doesn't decide the way that I will view him, I do. Chief doesn't "make" me feel the way I feel about him. I do. Chief's action or inaction does not dictate what I choose to ignore and build up. Every single day Chief doesn't do a bunch of things I wish he would, but every day Chief does a thousand things I adore.

The same is true with our children. Every day there are many things that I wish they would do, but don't. But every day there are also many things they do successfully/correctly/appropriately. As a parent, yes I have to train them, equip them and prepare them for adulthood. But as a parent it's important to put a bulls eye on their accomplishments (example: Lolli left her stuffed animals on the living room floor, Charchee picked them up for her and put them away. She wasn't asked to do it, she just did. That is an accomplishment. Charchee saw a problem, solved it, and carried on her way.).

My point for all of this is to remember that you choose what you will dwell on. You choose if you're going to adore your spouse for what they did right, or resent them for what they've failed to do the way you hoped. Your choose if you're going to focus on the positives or the negatives. But be warned, focusing on the negatives stifles love and growth and generally ends up creating a miserable environment for all involved.