Marriage Monday Mirror

We were warned that when we got married in the church, we should expect difficulties. We were told that temptations would come, and life would get tough. We looked back on what we've walked through and thought we could handle whatever would come.

When I hear the word "temptation" I immediately think of cheating. It's what I always envision. I don't know if that's some subconscious reflection of something in myself, or if it's just what the word implies. However, temptation comes in many forms. 

It's strange how everything feels so complicated. It's not really, but it feels like it is. It's unsettling how when you're not around me, I feel overwhelmed with admiration, devotion, adoration, and respect for you. But the second you walk in the door, this ugly side of me comes out.

I mean seriously, why does every conversation feel like a battle? Where is the teamwork that we've been so happily a part of?

Yesterday at church, I cried through almost the entire service. Every scripture, every word was like a sucker punch to my selfish heart. "REMAIN in me..." but what have I done to "remain"? "Stop being hung up on everything else and focus on Christ." "How are you displaying love? Are you being supportive or critical?"

I have been so critical of you and your career. When you come for support, you get me telling you what to do and telling you what you're doing wrong. I am sorry for that. I want to be your biggest cheerleader, and I think I leave you sometimes feeling like I'm your biggest basher. 

I know it's hard being married to me sometimes. I know it's hard being married to you sometimes. I know it's hard when you want me to be sorry, but I'm not. I know my standards are astronomically high, and very difficult to live up to. I know I'm much better on paper, than I am in reality, sometimes. I know I'm an over achieving perfectionist who gets so caught up in results that I completely forget about the details. I know yesterday was awful. I know we went to sleep with prison walls between us, and we both felt it.

Temptations have been plaguing me. And I'm learning that temptation is so much more than cheating. It's selfishness, resentment, bitterness, anger, ineffective communication, criticism, disrespect, rudeness, laziness. Temptation is building these prison walls and pitting us against each other. Temptation is making every conversation seem so much more difficult than it really is.

We're in a battle. They warned us about this, and here it is.

So link arms with me. Watch my back and I'll watch yours. Help me remember to keep my Armor on and I'll help you. Let's speak to each other in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Let's build each other up. Let's remember who we're fighting against, and stop the friendly fire. 

With all of the mess that I am, I love you Chief.