Marriage advice

To so many of my lovely single/dating/deciding-if-you-want-to-marry-your-BF/GF friends, here is some advice: Pay HEAVY attention to their flaws. Don't ignore them. Don't pass over them without a care thinking that your "love" is going to cure all and fix all. Your partner has very real flaws, and you're an idiot if you ignore them.

Harsh? Yes. But I'm sick and tired of being on the receiving end of conversations about how "I just don't understand why he's so controlling!" and "When did she become such a gold-digger?" and "He has a horrible temper." and "She's very lazy." when the entire time they were dating, all of these features existed, but were ignored.

Marriage is really hard. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's for life. Period. Blood in, blood out. That kind of seriousness.

Dating has turned into such a ridiculous endeavor. It's entirely feelings based and all sense of logic and analysis has been completely thrown out the window. I can't believe the stupid statements I have heard people say about why they want to marry someone. If it's for loneliness then for the love of humanity, please don't do it. Being married will not make you any less lonely than being single. If it's for boredom trust me, there are a gazillion days of married life where I am bored. Is it to have kids? Well you better be dang ole sure that person you're marrying is going to parent with you or your days will be filled with resentment.

I'm just so sick and tired of it all. Marriage is really freaking serious. It's become such a joke.

So I beg you, pay attention to your partners flaws. And then decide whether or not you can handle them on the days when you can't stand them. Decide if you can handle his controlling personality (for the rest of your life), or her money-grubbing ways, or his temper, or her laziness. If you can't, all the love in the world is going to make any of those things change. If you've decided that you can in fact, handle them, then don't complain about them. You've chosen this scenario for yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself as if this was all just some cruel twist of fate.

Chief has some pretty intense flaws. I had red flags (traits I recognized while dating and needed to decide if I could handle them) pre-marriage. I had to sit down and heavily think about whether or not I could handle them. His "flaws" have turned out to be some of my greatest blessings. His flaws have taught me a million beautiful lessons, and I am incredibly grateful for them. They do not breed resentment in me. Instead they've brought compassion, understanding, and support.

So take off the blinders. Dive in to the weaknesses. Analyze the relationship clearly. And for the love of humanity, don't get married if you can't deal with them. Very few people change their greatest flaws. You have to accept what you have today, not what you want them to be tomorrow. Marriage is a choice. And it's your choice. Keep your eyes open, and your brain alive. And please stop complaining to me about it.