Today was one of those days of ugliness for me. No, I don't mean ugly in the physical sense, not that I'm saying I'm beautiful. I just... Oh my gosh... There is no correct way out of the hole I've just dug. I could delete this diatribe, but I'm keeping it in. Gotta keep it real! :) Today my attitude was ugly. I was so grumpy and irritable.
Yes, this posting is totally a brag box about Chief. I gotta admit, that dude knows me. I mean, he perfectly, immaculately, amazingly knows me. And it always happens in these random moments when I am feeling so sorry for myself, and so unknown (because let's face it folks, I'm really complicated. And not in that typical stupid girl who wants to imagine herself as complicated but isn't really, kind of way...) that he throws me some sucker punch shock that just blows my mind.
Tonight I was yelling. I was ugly yelling. I was snapping at everyone. I had no patience. No kindness. No compassion. I was sort of like that crazy stereo typical picture of angry chicks: I was on a hell path and anyone in my way was going to get burned. It. was. ugly.
The lobster? Do you know what he did? He told the kids "Mommy needs you to leave her alone right now because she's feeling frustrated and she doesn't want to say anything to you that will hurt your feelings." and he proceeded to play parent interference for the rest of the night. He kept me away from the stare downs they do while I make dinner. He bathed all of them, and brushed their teeth without asking me to participate. When they jumped in with their usual barrage of questions, he answered them and saved me. He came into our room and lovingly talked to me after I stormed off and slammed the door. He knew (and had enough self control to do it) that I needed him to man up and take care of things while I figured out what the heck was going on in my mind.
I thanked him for doing all of that. I thanked him for giving me mercy, and not yelling at me (for yelling at the kids), and for knowing exactly what I needed him to do without me asking him to do it (single guys, NUMBER ONE important thing for the girl you're "with". Seriously. If we have to ask it's not special...). I also apologized to my precious children for my ugly outburst and my unkind behavior. I hate eating crow, but the truth is, when we're wrong we're wrong, and even parents have to confess and say sorry. Important lessons for the kiddos to learn: even their parents struggle with self control, and even their parents screw up and have to apologize.
I rarely have these freak out moments. I'm usually good at controlling myself and calming down. But in this fragile moment, he was the man I needed him to be. It seems to be so common that you might think I'd be used to it. But the truth is, he still surprises me. As much as I understand about him, he still surprises me. He still magically sweeps in and saves me from myself. My heart is overwhelmed by his love. Even I don't know how amazing he is.
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