My mom

I have a very hard time maintaining relationships with women. As a whole the female species tends to annoy me. They're overtly emotional, dramatic, attention seeking, incredibly sensitive, and most of the time can't stand to hear that you don't think they're perfect (this is an ultra general verbiage, and there are some women whom I adore with every fiber of my being. I'm not anti women, especially since I am one. Just anti drama, and unfortunately they seem to go hand in hand most of the time). I can't stand the idea of bursting into tears because you don't like how someone's acting (or what they've refused to do, etc) in order to get them to do what you want. I can't stand manipulation. Period. 

All of this being said, probably the most complicated and best relationship that I've ever had with a woman, is my relationship with my mom. Mom's can be messy. Let's just face it. If you grew up feeling like you didn't get something you deserved from your mother, you tend to be a bit resentful and angry. It doesn't really matter if you want to be close. Mom's have the power to permanently scar, or to immaculately heal. It's really, what I would consider to be, the most powerful relationship in any person's life. 

My mom wasn't perfect. Yes, she falls into that category of chick's who don't like to hear that. Yes, she is incredibly sensitive. Yes, she probably has a good majority of those female attributes that annoy me. So why am I so close to her? I can tell you it isn't out of obligation. It isn't out of any sort of ode to my childhood. I think it's simply because I have always seen in her a desire to be something bigger and better than herself. And I have always wanted to be like that.

My mom has a hard time with change. She would probably argue immensely with that announcement, but the proof is in the pudding and she does. She has a hard time with staying motivated to change. She wants to change, but how does one keep themselves going when they feel so little reward for their efforts? I understand that. I relate to it. 

Second to my husband, my mom is my best friend. I can tell her anything and she'll hold it. I can be enraged with her and fight horribly with her, and she'll still love me. I can cry harder than I've ever cried in my life, and she won't see me as weak. I can have irrational fears and she'll pray for me. I can announce crazy things (like getting married in two weeks) and she won't judge me. I can complain about the awfulness (and let's face it, there are a lot of awfulnesses) of being a mom, and she won't question my undying love for my children. I can talk about all of the medical problems that my children are experiencing and she'll brainstorm, remember to follow up, and help me through it. I can complain about my own physical health, and she'll encourage me to seek help without nagging me. I can have my children call her, and every fiber of her being lights up (and it is to such a degree that without being able to see it, we can hear it) on the phone. When I'm scared she tries to comfort me (even though she's terrible at the deployment scared stuff, but I know she wants to make me feel better). If I don't talk to her for months (because we all get busy) it doesn't mean I don't love her. If I need help, she drops everything and comes to help.

My mom has not really been the stereotypical June Cleaver mom. She taught me and all four of my sisters to be critical thinkers, argumentative (which I'm sure she sometimes thinks was her greatest error. haha), and somewhat mistrusting (a trait which some people might see as bad, but I think is amazing). She is immensely complex, has the most insane sense of humor (busting out in to song at any given moment, I kid you not. And this is apparently genetic because Lolli seems to have inherited this trait), and is incredibly difficult to write about in any one setting. I don't know how to do her justice. She is battle scarred. And maybe a little bit traumatized. But she's beautiful. And I love her more than I know how to say.