trials

Have you ever noticed how it can seem that ten thousand things go wrong at once? I could sit here and complain about forty things that are frustrating, and exhausting, and draining. I could tell you about all of the situations that make me scared or angry or eager...eager for answers. Eager to know more is probably a better way to phrase it.

I have been finding that lately God is putting me in unknown situations. I think He wants me to learn about one hundred percent reliance on Him for ALL things. I have already been learning about how deeply and truly our DAILY bread is dependent on Him. I've been learning this with the complete and utter demise of my digestive system. And as I learn more about how inefficiently my stomach is working, I can see all the more how He is graciously working to give me energy and comfort. You might be surprised to discover how you truly can function on weeks of only pieces of toast a day. We're talking 2-4, not a loaf. I have jokingly stated that my husband must've prayed to God that I would lose weight, and God is answering him by making it so I can't eat! :)

Okay, I digress (a common theme on here). Every single moment, every single breath, every single second...my life is COMPLETELY dependent on God's grace. Any second my life could fade away. It only takes a second for your heart to attack, or your brain to stroke, or a terrible virus to invade, or thousands of other situations. Life is weak. It's REALLY weak.

I have to admit, I HATE not knowing. It is out of my comfort zone. I am a planner and a worrier, and I want to know the outcome of all situations (or at least possible outcomes and how to handle them). My sweet friend has reminded me many times that Jesus must be exhausted in my mind with all the running around and psychoanalyzing I do. She always cuts through the nonsense and says: OBEY. So I am trying to do that.

The Bible tells us to praise God and to be THANKFUL for all trials (which include, frustrating situations, arguments, fights, depressions, sicknesses, irritants, joyous occasions, etc etc etc), because THROUGH them we learn perseverance and hope and are shaped and molded in to a better image of Christ. I will admit to you that I am still too weak of a human being to ask God to send me trials. I am still too child-like in my faith to have so deep a trust and joy in Christ to actually ask Him to challenge me with what life brings. But, I can tell you, that the whiny aspect of myself seems to be slowly disappearing. So much so, that she is sort of becoming a shadow on the wall, instead of the stone statue in my living room. In the trials that I am in now, I have cried, I've been angry, I have hurt...but I'm not asking God to take them away. I know they are here for a reason. And I am excited to see the outcome that will be brought forth from me, through them.

God is good. He is SO good. And He is in control. He owes me NO answers. He is the CREATOR. What right do I have to question and complain? I surrender myself. I am His...to do with as He pleases. And may God make my mouth always say that, and make my heart always feel it.