happy anniversary

Let me start by saying this day has been rough. Starting at about two in the morning, Brun was throwing up buckets. It was the layout of how my day started. Then when I went to wash the bedding, the washing machine broke. There was tons of water pouring out of the back of the machine. I was beginning to feel like fate was against me. I was so upset. I was frustrated and burnt out (from lack of sleep) and just emotionally drained.
Hours went by and he didn't call. Mind you, it is extremely upsetting to be "that" girl who sits at home waiting on a guy to call. It's embarrassing and frustrating. I have always been like, "I don't care" and to have your whole day revolving around a phone call...well...it makes you feel really pathetic.
Finally, the phone rang. This is how it played out. "Hi Babe! Happy anniversary!" I said, Happ..." and the phone went dead. Dial tone. I sat there and thought, no worries, this happens sometimes. He'll just call back. Five minutes passed, ten, fifteen, twenty...etc etc. He didn't call back. I was SO upset. I was crying buckets of tears and shouting at God. Why don't You love me? Why do You make my life so miserable? Why are You so cruel? Why don't You care? Then that switched to, Please make him call. Please, please, please. And he didn't call. I tried reading my bible to get my spiritual "bearings". But nothing helped. I found no comfort. I was laying in bed, determined to drink myself to oblivion when the kids went to bed, or to wallow in self pity. I was emotionally distraught. Then Anny called. She made me laugh when I thought I couldn't laugh. And I don't know how she did it, since she had a not so great day herself. Before I knew it, she was saying I should come over. And I thought to myself for a second that I didn't really want to drag the kids, but then I thought I should go. So I got the kids up, made them a quick meal, and we got on the road. It was the greatest comfort. I felt happy when I left. Well, I don't know that I felt "happy" but I didn't feel like throwing myself over a bridge anymore.
On the way home, my oldest asked if we could listen to the daddy christian music. So I put it on. As the music played...God spoke to me. In the subtle ways that only He can...He said, Here is your mini miracle. And I felt it. That punch in your face conviction when you've had a temper tantrum with God and then he's like, listen up now and suck face! You see, my son has had horrible diarrhea tonight. I mean, awful, horrible stuff. But God said, You see....it's not throwing up. I realize that to many people that would seem like a strange "miracle" but it is one. If he started throwing up, I think I would've had a nervous breakdown. Another "miracle" is that now the kids all have a pediatrician. They all have someone I can call in the middle of the night and ask them what to do. No more dealing with Fort B. No more waiting three weeks for a freaking doctor's appointment when your kids have a fever of 104. No more sitting in emergency rooms for an ear infection because they "just can't fit you in". My next mini miracle is that he called at all. While I am still justifiably pissed off that all I got was four words, I'm also happy to know he didn't forget. He remembered this day. He thought of me, and he wanted to talk to me.
It's hard to put in to words what this man means to me. Where do I even begin. He is my Paul the apostle. You know where Paul says, Look to me as the example of Christ's love...well, that's what my husband does for me. He's never called attention to himself. In fact, quite the contrary. He's exceptionally humble and always feel like a Christianly failure. But this man shows me Agape love. He shows me the kind of love that only God Himself can give. The kind where you're accepted, despite your flaws, despite your sin, despite your weaknesses. He does not judge...he loves. And I am hopelessly and completely in love with him. In him, my heart has its mate. I have NEVER been the same since the day I met him. I can say that with all truthfulness. He is a beautiful gift and a wonderful man.
So the point of this whole diatribe is that the day started out awful and I was so ticked off at God...but...when you fight with God, who do you think is going to win?