Chief

If you knew him, America, you would fall in love. If you understood how he makes me laugh during really rough days, how his embrace and the sound of his heart beating soothes my mind... If I could just figure out how to define it, how to expose it, how to explain...

There aren't enough words.

I fumble and fuddle through nonsensical sentences, and I do my best to make it clear. I've been told it's clear to "everyone with eyes" but yet I still doubt... If I die today, have I shown him enough to carry him through? Will he close his eyes and know that he was loved and accepted with every single fiber of my being? Will he understand how deeply I have cherished our years together? How full of joy my heart has been because of him?

Supernatural. Holy. Divine.

I see him. I see how he struggles and gives. I see how he retreats when he's depleted, and how he recovers in ways different from me. I see how he looks at our children, and how he moves mountains in our son's world. I see how all of us, all.of.us. feel so happy when he comes home at the end of the day. I see how his face lights up with every single meal I make for him. I see how makes sure the kitchen is clean at night, so I can wake up to it in the morning. I see how he is faithful and loyal and steadfast. I see how he stumbles. I see how he loves. Oh, how I see how he loves! It's bigger than mountains, deeper than waters, like fresh streams. And somehow, somehow America, I was the one he chose to direct it towards! Oh! My!

What is it that affords us a love so grand? I can take no personal credit, nor offer any words of advice. I begged God for this gift, and He granted it. He gets the credit, not me. He has carried us through the depths of despair, hurts greater than can be defined. He has bound us together while we walked through the valley of the shadow of death, while we navigated the fires of hell, while we endured immense sorrow and hurt. He kept us going when our heart's stopped beating, and our minds were numb with grief. He gets the credit.

I'm sitting here, sipping my coffee, thinking about this guy... my great, great friend. I sure do dig him. :)