"You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering" -Ernest Hemingway

There are points in life where the dialogue runs out. Where you just don't have anything left to say, or do, or share. Silence is deafening. It's powerful. When the hurts are too big and too large to keep going as it is, something has to break. Something has broken. 

We hear it said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I call bullshit on that. A woman scorned wants vengeance. She is angry and she's still fighting. If she is doing those things, then she still cares. I submit to you, America, that the experience one should most fear is a woman who is empty. A woman who is exhausted. A woman withdrawn. Maybe it's because you poked so many holes in the bottom of her bucket of love. And even though she kept turning up the tap working her ass off so freaking hard to keep plugging the holes and filling herself back up, eventually the holes were too big and too many and all of the love just drained out. Maybe she kept screaming and crying and begging for you to just.stop.poking.holes... Maybe she told you time and time and time again that she is exhausted and running on empty, but you kept right on stabbing and now what you're left with is an empty bucket. And you're "sorry". You are always sorry. 

Maybe it's too late to undo what you've done. Maybe the train you have set in motion can't be stopped. Maybe you need to experience grief so big and so wide and so deep that you feel like you just.can't.breathe. Knowing you, I'm sure you'll deflect it away and distract yourself with whatever comes across your path. It's your general go-to when the world stops revolving around you.

The worst of it is there's nothing left to scream. There's nothing left to beg for. There is no more belief or hope in your ability to notice me. The silence in myself is deafening. The ache in my core is undeniable. I'm not sure what it means when there aren't any more tears to cry. I've never been in this space before. I've never stuck around long enough to feel it.