ramblings

I love laughing over dinner. I love laughing and playing as a family. I love watching my children develop and encourage their imaginations. I love participating in that with my lobster by my side. I loved letting Brun play the "mommy" this afternoon. She told me I had to stay in my pack 'n play because I was a baby and I had to take a nap. It actually worked out quite nicely because I was tired. The "pack 'n play" was her bed. The lobster was grandpa. It was hilarious on a multitude of levels.

I was struck by how gentle she actually was. She was doting, affectionate, and amazingly attentive. It was beautiful to see her in her element. She is intensely compassionate. It was so beautiful to lay there and laugh, but also to watch her. She was protective. No one was allowed to touch me or my "stuffed animals". She shielded me from all things that could come to hurt me. It made me wonder whether or not she feels shielded and protected from the things she can't see coming at her. It made me wonder if she has finally learned to trust us.

Dinner tonight was a simple meal. It wasn't one of my cooking masterpieces or big shebangs. Despite this, we were all laughing the meal away. The lobster and I were hand-in-hand, and we were all just in hysterics. There was a moment where everything seemed to be in slow motion and I just felt caught up and swept away. He is just so amazing! I feel amazing when I'm with him. I feel shielded and protected from the things that could come to hurt me. I feel like all of the walls and scales I surrounded myself with (and surround myself with in his absence) completely fade away. I am vulnerable and broken and weak. I don't have to be on guard, or watching myself. I don't have to be analyzing everything that is in front of me or could possibly arrive at any moment. I can relax. He is the only person with whom I can completely do that. He is the only person who completely accepts me and just gets me. I don't have to explain. I don't have to over communicate. He's the only person who can know exactly what I'm thinking and feeling without me having to say a word. He is quite genuinely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I may not be some fancy doctor, or some amazing scientist. I may not be the leader of some fortune 500 company. I may not be rich, or graceful, or powerful, or beautiful. I may not be fit as a fiddle, or glamorous, or hilarious to listen to. I may not be a good speaker, or an amazing individual. I may not know enough about the Bible or how to defend it. I may not be. But one thing that I am... that I know I am exceptionally good at, is loving that man. And if that is all that I am to ever be known for, then I thank God. Because I cannot think of a more worthy thing to be known for than that.