tsunami's suck

I can feel so many emotions welling up in me. The end of our time together is coming to a close. The normal that exists now will change and we will have a new one...without him. When you start talking in weeks as opposed to months or like it's some distant moment far out on the horizon, is when the reality begins to set in. To say you miss someone is making such a molehill out of a mountain. To say it hurts is the same.

It all seems so melodramatic. It seems so cinematically poetic and ugly. Me standing there unwrapping my arms, and him going away. I can almost hear the music that would be playing in the background on that day...

It's weird because it all seems so normal in our completely insane lives. It seems so normal to walk into your home and to continue on with your day. But it always hits. Eventually. It also sucker punches you when you least expect it and the emotional tsunami washes over you. I promise you that even the strongest of women are nothing when that wave is washing over. It is a crippling experience. It is ugly.

I wish I could say that on this fifth experience I was more prepared. Perhaps I am. I suppose I know exactly what to expect. I know what will come. I know that I will survive and I will get through it. But each and every single deployment is different. There are no two alike. Circumstances have always changed. My children are older now. So instead of grieving and mourning by myself, I now have four who will grieve too. We all are going to endure this together.

I know that God will hold me in His capable hands. I have peace in regards to the moments, the situations. I know that He will guide me, hold me, comfort me, and lead me. I don't just know those things, I believe them.

I suppose what I wonder is, how long the tsunami and the damage that it causes will last.