mushy, gushy, sappy stuff. :)

I rolled over in bed and realized...he is home. It's strange how long it can take for the euphoria of reuniting to wear off. Sometimes it's two days, sometimes it's four weeks...who knows? It was weird. Last night I was grumpy, irritable...hormonal. I wasn't rude or mean, I just quite honestly didn't feel like cuddling. The elation of him being home had sort of worn off, and my feeling like it was necessary to cuddle all night long dissipated. Then this morning came. I woke up not being held. It struck me that I felt so cold. I rolled over and opened my eyes and there he was. Sleeping on his back, mouth open slightly, snuggled up under our comforter. His legs were on my side of the bed, because our chocolate lab was at the foot of his side of the bed.

I was struck by something that I think is so easy to forget when you have loved someone as long as I have loved him...he is beautiful. His touch is beautiful. His heart is beautiful. His mind is beautiful. His brain, his hands, his feet, his soul...they are all beautiful. He works so hard to lead this family the way that God wants him to. He listens to me, and cherishes my opinion. But he is also strong enough to tell me when I'm wrong. I cannot begin to tell you how important that is to me. I have a strong personality. I will walk all over you if I want to. I am smart, and quick with words, and I am quite capable of battling almost anyone with wits. I am not trying to put myself on a pedestal, just painting the picture of who this fella married. :) He knows how to tell me I'm wrong. It's funny because I have heard it said of him that he is a weak leader. I've heard people say that I run all over him and that I run this household, and he just happens to get to live here...as long as he doesn't make me angry. But no one really knows. Maybe it's because my husband comes across as weak. I don't know. Maybe it's because he projects an aspect of himself that doesn't feel like fighting. I kid you not...that man knows how to tell me what to do. He knows how to lay down the law. It's really sexy.

So many men think that women want an equal partner. Maybe some women do want that, however I just don't know very many that do. Almost every woman I know, doesn't want an EQUAL partner, they want EQUAL value. It's different. I don't want to be equally responsible for taking out the trash, or being in the military, or mowing the lawn, or a thousand other stereotypically gender assigned roles. I want to know that I have a man who is strong, intelligent and capable of managing our household. I want someone who fights for me. Who will fight with me. Who will tell me when I'm wrong. I don't want someone who kisses my ass all day long and tries to cater to my every whim. I want a man who will grab me, hold me, kiss me, and I can go to sleep knowing that he's got it all under control...and I can relax.

When I look at my husband I see the type of leader I wish all men could be. He is stronger than any man I have ever known. Any of you who read this, and might have happened to attempt to be in a relationship with me, can attest...I am a difficult woman to "manage."

My sister told me a long time ago I needed to find a man who was stronger than me. She told me I needed a man who was stronger than my strongest self. She said I needed someone more intelligent, more stubborn, more driven, more in charge, so that I could relax and let them lead. I remember when she told me that (she was referring to a boy I was dating at the time, and how he was none of those things...she was right, and we did break up) I thought she was dead wrong. I thought, I don't need or want that. What is strange is that I actually ended up marrying that. Well, almost entirely that. He is definitely more stubborn than I am (yes, I am dead serious. I said, MORE). He is also stronger than me.

I digress. I do that a lot. I am often distracted by my thoughts... It struck me this morning that he is really home. It was a beautiful moment. This morning I just jumped on him. Okay, not how you think, dirty minds...I just grabbed him, and I held on tight. He asked me what was wrong. I told him that nothing was. I just needed to hold him. I am so thankful that he is here. I am thankful that I can hold him in the morning. I am thankful that he isn't missing from the family moments. I'm thankful for him being my partner, my best friend, my confidant, my challenger, my leader. I am thankful that Iraq didn't take him away from me forever. I admire him. I admire his strength. I admire his ability to lead me, like no other man has ever been capable of doing. I admire his intelligence. I admire his softness. I admire his compassion. He takes my breath away. He really does.