Chief is an asshole. He is lazy as all get out, arrogant to a T (Self degradation is arrogance, because it's still constantly being focused on one's self. So if you think you're so "humble" by constantly bashing yourself, here's a newsflash: you're just as arrogant as the people who think they're hot stuff.), insensitive, rude, thoughtless, and on and on. Right now, as I write this, he's passed out in bed, while I have already done half of the house hold duties.
Lately, I've been seeing a plethora of people focused on what makes a marriage work. There have been all of these articles/posts/comments about "the secret to a happy marriage" or "how to keep your marriage young". Here's another newsflash for you: there's no secret. There's no one-solution-fits-all answer. What works for a marriage on day one, isn't going to necessarily work on day 10,000. What works for me and Chief isn't going to work for you and billy/susie.
My husband has a plethora of flaws. I listed only a few, in that first paragraph above. They barely begin to scratch the surface. Shall I now go about listing mine? I am an asshole. I am arrogant as all get out (because I am that awesome!), rude, distracted, grumpy, snippy, immensely sensitive, selfish, lazy, demanding, impulsive, constantly joking, and on and on.
Check it out, we're two F'd up people, making it work. Two completely screwed up individuals (because everyone in society/the world are completely screwed up, and if you're in such denial that you can't admit to that, you're probably really really really completely screwed up. lol), who are walking contradictions, and we're "happy."
I think that people have become so busy being busy about something that they're forgotten the humanity of their partner. They've forgotten that they have a mouth and that you never shut up, you never stop jabbering on about what you need, what you're able to give, what you want given back, over and over and over again. No one knows Chief better than me (this is not a bash on Mama Chief, it's just the facts at this point in his life), and no one knows me better than Chief. Why? Because we made it that way. There are many, many components to my personality than no one knows but Chief (and this is not all in the romantic/sexual aspects. I'm talking about real actual elements to "me".). My sense of self has no limits with Chief. Open book (with the exception of some sorority sworn oaths of silence, which drive him crazy....). He has an all access pass.
I adore my lazy, arrogant, selfish husband. I adore him, even when I hate him. I adore him when he's thinking of no one but himself. I adore him, because I choose to. I almost never think about his flaws. Instead, I choose to focus on what I adore: the way his whole body lights up when he smiles/laughs, how it feels when he puts his hand on my skin, how the sound of his voice makes my heart beat faster, how much comfort washes over me when I'm so immensely stricken with grief and he just lays next to me in silence, how hard he works to provide for me and our family, how much duty and loyalty are the foundation of his personality, how he becomes a human heater when he sleeps, how he makes me coffee every day, does the dishes nearly every night, will occasionally make a meal, how he makes me laugh, and on and on. These are what I think about. These are what I focus on. These are what make me happy.
Happiness is a choice. There's a line in a book called One True Thing where the author writes (paraphrasing): Do you think I don't know about all that he's done wrong? I know better than you. But it's so much easier to choose to be happy. I just wish you would choose to be happy.
In marriage, you seriously do, just have to "choose" to be happy. It's up to you.
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