Explosive Love

The anticipation of the end of a separation is killer. The moments of angst and eagerness building up, developing like a firework that's about to explode, are difficult to contain. This is our life. Goodbyes, loneliness, and reunions.

Here I sit with my bottle of water, headphones on, music blaring, shaking non stop with eagerness. Chief has been away. It's been a period of doing-this-on-my-own, single-parenting, and lonely adultness (meaning, no other adult around to share the quiet with). Chief is my most favorite person on the planet. Cut. Paste. Go to print. Ab.so.lute.favorite! My idea of a perfect day always involves being wrapped up in him in some capacity. When he is away, I feel differently. I view the world differently. I struggle.

I really don't know how to define the period apart to those who've never experienced it. I also know that those who have, know exactly what I mean without me having to say a word. It's like being turned inside out, put on pause, separated from yourself, but hoping, dreaming, visualizing the day when it all goes back to the way that it was. When home becomes home again, and the world goes back to normal.

Probably the best comparison of reunion day, to the non-militarized, would be the day before your wedding. Those feelings of nerves and angst and excitement... that's the closest feeling that comes to mind. It's this feeling of insane nausea, where your brain is screaming as loud as it possibly can: hurry up, hurry up, HURRY UP!!!!!

Then it comes. That first glimpse. Searching, aching eyes get what they've been longing for... the sight of him. This sense of calm comes and I almost always end up saying something completely ridiculous. I lose all sense of filter, calm, and collection. Basically I become who I really am underneath all this "decorum" (haha): a girl insanely, intensely, and whole heartedly in love with this dude who walked into my ears on a random Tuesday and changed my whole world.

I feel awkward, embarrassed, and incredibly nervous until like magic his touch takes that all away. His arms, or his hands, or his body touches mine and in an instant the goosebumps come. Time stands still, and music plays. Fireworks explode.

The waiting for that moment is rough. The awful that has to happen before that explosion of great comes, sucks. But that explosion, that display of magnificent fireworks is extremely powerful. It's the sort of thing that fairy tales are made of. For the last 10+ years, I've had the pleasure of experiencing that over and over again. And what makes all of this so astoundingly beautiful is that this is what eternity will be, magnified a million times over, when one day I stand in front of God and have the most intense emotional fireworks explosion ever.

I am waiting with great anticipation and eagerness. Screaming at the top of my lungs hurry up!