Monday, July 16, 2012

The Sisterhood

I hate Southern California. I really do. I hate it with an enormous passion and intensity that I can't even describe. Being there makes me feel ugly in parts of my soul that I can't wash out. Being there makes me miserable. People are rude. No one connects, really. Everything is a competition to look richer, thinner, more successful. It's all about image and status and humanity is only talked about in a complete BS "let's look like we really care" kind of way, but go right back to our selfish living. It's difficult to have compassion for someone who says they're struggling financially when they're carrying around a $500 purse. Maybe that makes me judgmental. Okay, not maybe. It does. And I hate that place because it draws out the old habits in me to think and act like that.

It is hard that my entire family lives there. And my relationship with my family is probably complex, in the best word. I have four sisters, some step brothers, and a half brother. I don't really have the best relationship with them, in the idea that we're all best friends and talk all the time. We don't really connect about very much, or have a lot in common, but that's okay. It's strange because they're the only people on this planet that I can absolutely not stand but at the exact same time, they're the only people I would drop everything for and come running, if I was needed. That's just sort of how it is. Your family is your family. It doesn't matter if you think alike, or live alike, or even understand each other. You will always have your sisters, you will always have the craziness that was your childhood, and you always have each others backs (at least when facing the world). 

My family has taught me a lot about love. They've probably taught me the most about grace. The hurts were deep and intense. It wasn't necessarily anyone's fault. It just was what it was. I was different. Not really in any group or category I grew up feeling like an outcast. I think they believed I didn't want to connect. Probably somewhere in the middle was the reality...

I know I've hurt them. I know I've made them feel unwanted. I know I haven't reached out as well as I should have, or worked as hard as I could to bridge the gaps in our differences. 

But I hope they always know that in spite of these things, I love them. I hope they understand that even though I suck at so many things and I hate the place that they live, I still like being around them. I hope they believe that even though I've midwesternized, forsaken my SoCal roots and can't stand pigheaded politics, I don't think they're idiots. I hope they always grasp that I would do anything I could for them, that I pray for them, and that I appreciate them, even if I don't say it. I hope they understand that I admire them, sometimes for the things that irritate me the most about them. 

So to the four people who understand things like Ani D lyrics, and what it means when we're writing them: 
hour follows hour like water in a river 
and from one to the next we don't know 
what each hour will deliver 
we just call it like we see it 
we call it out loud as we can 
and then afterwards we call it all water 
over the dam 

and maybe the moral high ground 
isn't as high as it seems 
maybe we are both good people 
who've done some bad things 
i just hope it was o.k., i know it wasn't perfect 
i hope in the end we can laugh and say 
it was all worth it 

i have had something to prove 
as long as i've had something that needs improving 
and you know that every time i move 
i make a woman's movement 
first you decide what you've gotta do 
then you go out and do it 
and maybe the most that we can do 
is just to see each other thru it

we make our own gravity 
to give weight to things 
and then things fall and they break 
and gravity sings 
we can only hold so much is what i figure 
we try and keep our eye on the big picture 
and the picture keeps getting bigger 

too much is how i love you 
but too well is how i know you 
i've got nothing to prove this time 
just something to show you 
i guess i just wanted you to see 
that it was all worth it to me

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