Brun

I have been saying for ages that something was not right with this child. We were never able to console her. She would cry for hours, scream. No amount of holding or rocking could get her to sleep. She was never happy. Even in the NICU, she'd cry all the time. She never attached herself to my husband or me. She never cared whether we were holding her, or someone else was. In fact, most of the time she preferred other people over her daddy and me. People said, maybe she has colic, maybe the lobster and I were so tired and stressed out and she sensed that. She was six months old and not rolling over. She had to do tummy time for hours out of the day so that she would be forced to roll over, forced to learn to crawl. She was a year old when she finally started sitting up. Still, EP said this was all "normal". She was premature...I was expecting too much. Despite the fact that both her other triplet siblings were almost walking at that point. She wasn't making sounds either. No babbling, no trying to talk. Nothing. She just cried and was silent. Now here it is a year later...she is two years old and hurts herself all the time. Punches herself in the face. Flaps her arms. Bites herself until she bleeds. Stabs herself. And all these people say is that she's "sensory deficient". Are you kidding me!? I am so frustrated. I KNOW she is not well. I KNOW in my heart she is not like my other children. I believe that she is autistic. But the idiot doctor's here say that since she looks me in the eyes, that she's not autistic. I don't know what to do. And so many days I just sit and cry from helplessness and complete frustration. How can people tell me it's normal to have a child not connect with her mother until she is over two years old? To have a child that will have blood filled teeth marks up and down her arms? Who screams and screams unconsollably at the top of her lungs for hours?! A child who wasn't even attempting to speak until she was two, and then overnight began to do it perfectly. There was NO practicing. A child who will sit at the table and do puzzles for two and three hours...A child who can spot and detect the tiniest objects, that even I have difficulty finding. She is a genius. I believe it, and know it with all of my heart. And she is painstakingly afraid of rejection. Perhaps her intellectual ability has caused her to sense the world's behavioral "norms" and she can "fake the funk" for long enough around strangers. I don't know. I legitimately don't know what to do, or where to turn. I am emotionally exhausted and frustrated. And I hurt. I hurt for my child. She is such a beautiful little girl. She is SO beautiful. If people could just see her the way that I do...their hearts would be overwhelmed with emotion. And I can't help her. Because I don't know how. I don't know what to do to help her. And I am so sad. I am so so so sad.