Grace

If you're anything like me, grace seems like an abstract, impossible notion to effectively give in the realm of parenting. I mean, what does that look like? We have to walk this complicated, intricate balance of how to pour out grace on our children, all the while maintaining a lesson of life: there are consequences for your actions.

I don't by any means, claim to have the "know-how" when it comes to parenting. I'm just like everyone else, doing the best that I can. That being said, I feel like today my heart had a little lightbulb moment when it comes to grace.

My daughter asked me if she could make dinner. She has been reading a book about meals that people eat in different countries and asked if she could try one of them. There was an easy smoothie recipe (that supposedly hails from Australia), and she asked if that could be our dinner. I said sure! and we proceeded to make the smoothies together. We washed and cut up apples, mango, bananas, limes, and threw in some blueberries for good measure. Lolli was tasked with getting the blender out (yes, I'm one of "those people" who store the small appliances they don't routinely use in a cupboard). She started to move it to the counter and dropped it. Then she picked it up and dropped it again (maybe she wasn't certain if it broke on the first drop? hehe). Slippery fingers? I'm not certain. I was busy cutting up apples.

Let me allow you to glimpse into the mind of mothers. We are constantly cleaning up messes. Our things are dropped, broken, spilled on, stained, destroyed. It's almost like children see something that parents love and they immediately have a robot-like need to destroy it. Because of this, mother's don't always handle broken things with grace. Sure, there are those freak-of-nature-June-Cleavers (who I am convinced are really sociopaths, hence their ability to show no angry emotions when their children destroy things) that say all of the perfect things, but for the majority of Mom's in the world the response is generally something like: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?! AAAAHHHH! YOU DROPPED IT! IT'S BROKEN! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SHOES! SOMEBODY GET ME SOME SHOES!!!! AND THE BROOM! And then we proceed to angrily, frustratedly, perhaps silently (but usually this is that scary angry mom silence...), clean up the mess that our children have made.

On this day, I did not overreact. I said Is it broken? She said I don't think so. Dad investigated and it was. So I said Maybe Daddy will go to Walmart and get a new one and then we can finish making our smoothies. Grace. Grace poured out. And maybe that's what parental grace is supposed to be. It's not "letting it slide in grace" when our children behave like criminals (and let's be honest, children really basically behave like criminals almost daily: violence-hitting, biting, scratching, stealing-grabbing whatever toy they want when they want it, lying under oath-if I have to explain this one to you then you clearly do NOT have children, and on and on), but rather giving grace when the accidents come. Maybe grace is having the self control to recognize the things out of our children's control, and not behaving in a life-long-emotionally-detrimental way. Maybe grace looks like going to Walmart to get a new blender. Maybe grace is not being pissed when they spill (and mash) blueberries into your brand new couch. Maybe it's allowing them the freedom to destroy, fall apart, and then being the platform from which they can put things back together again.

So today I had a glimpse into how grace should show up in my home a whole lot more.

Rumination Syndrome

My son was recently diagnosed with a very rare condition called Rumination Syndrome. To help to define the perimeters of how rare this condition is, there is no known treatment plan for a child of his age. If he was 12, it wouldn't be that complicated, but 5? Nope, nada, nil.

This inspired a phone call to the Mayo Clinic. You know how many children under the age of 10 they have treated with this condition? One. That's right folks, one child. And that child was 9, not five. 

To explain, Rumination Syndrome is where your body involuntarily regurgitates (or vomits) up your food. You have no pain, nausea, or feelings of discomfort. Your food just refuses to stay in your stomach. The result of this is malnutrition. You are essentially starving because your body won't keep food in your stomach long enough to digest it. 

My son is underweight and under-size. He is considered to be the size of a very small four year old. The belief is that it's because he's not getting adequate nutrition. It doesn't matter how much we feed him, it won't stay down.

He was diagnosed three years ago with another rare gastrointestinal syndrome called Gastroparesis. He was the youngest child that his Pediatric GI had ever seen with it. He was 2. This was discovered after he spent a month vomiting every.single.thing that went into his mouth. By the time he was hospitalized (yes it took a month because there was no consistency with physicians and they all kept saying he had a stomach "bug"), he couldn't lift his head. He looked skeletal. My two year old child had lost nearly 10 pounds. 

For the past year, the medications for Gastroparesis stopped working. His condition was getting worse again. We went in for our routine six month check, and his doctor became convinced something else was going on. After a plethora of tests, we discovered he no longer has Gastroparesis (YAY!), but he does have Rumination Syndrome.

Let me put it to you how our doctor put it to us:

Doc: He's got Rumination Syndrome.

Me: Okay. What do we do about it?

Doc: Well... I have NO idea.

Me: Huh?

Doc: This is astoundingly uncommon to see it in a five year old. This is something that we see with adolescents. It's associated with Bulimia and severe anxiety.

Me: Okay...

Doc: I have nothing more I can do. But I'm going to do some research, contact some colleagues, as I'm sure you're going to do as well. Lets communicate and see what we can come up with. 

Me: You've got it.

It's not very often that your specialist doctor is stumped!

Today I spent three hours pouring over medical reference texts, websites, and on the phone with treatment programs. The other day I spent three hours on the phone with the Pediatric Gastroenterology head nurse at the Mayo Clinic. We are submitting a request to see if they will take on my son's case.

This child has endured uncommon experiences from  the beginning of his life. He's a triplet, wasn't supposed to survive in utero, wasn't "supposed" to survive after birth. He wasn't "supposed" to be smart. He wasn't "supposed" to walk. He has overcome so many medical situations. He knows far too much about IV's, hospitals, nurses, and doctors. But you know what? This kid is a rock star. He is smart, funny, charming. He is loving and silly. He loves Star Wars and Star Trek and cars. He has a deep love for all people (young and old, male and female). He befriends almost everyone he meets, even if they're putting in IV's (he HATES IVs). He loves Legos and his sisters. He shouts out "THANK YOU!!!!" to every police officer, firefighter, paramedic, security guard, MP, etc that he sees, whether or not they can hear him. He has a passionate love for all things Army and Marines. He has conquered a thousand odds.

So here's one more thing for this amazing kiddo to conquer. And conquer it I know he will.