A House?

America,

Yesterday Chief and I embarked on what could seriously be considered one of the most terrifying experiences of our adult life. No, America, I did not birth another child (hahaha). What did happen, America, is that we put an offer in on a house. That's right, America, we liked a house enough to ask some strangers to sell it to us, for an insane amount of money (up when we're in HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of dollars, it's insane. I don't care if there is a house involved.), and we're hoping that they'll say We dig your offer! Here you go!

America, this has riled up all sorts of levels of anxiety in my Scottish heart. What if they reject the offer? What if those other mo-fo's who "like" the house put in a better offer and they take theirs!? What if we buy this house and it's a lemon? What if it's cursed? HAVE I EVEN GOOGLED THIS HOUSE TO MAKE SURE NO ONE HAS BEEN MURDERED THERE AND BURIED IN THE BASEMENT!?!?!? What if it's haunted? Has this house been on those stupid haunted house tv shows? What if there's criminals living next door that have a murderous demon dog, hell bent on killing my peace of mind with unending barking!? What if it's infested with fleas, or lice, or ticks!? What if the backyard has a snake infestation and that's why these people are selling it and have gotten the heck outta dodge...? What if the neighbors are beeelzebub's best friends!!!!!???? What if.... what if.... what if....!?!?!?

Okay, so I may have been joking about a lot of those "what ifs", (you laughed, right America?), but the first couple were genuine. What.if. It's a valid little two word sentence. And you know what the response is? Here ya go: Yeah! What the frick "if!"

I can't control the outcome. I can't control what is or is not to be. I don't see what's coming at us around the corner. I function on a limited amount of knowledge and information. But you know who doesn't? God. So we've asked Him for some help here. We've asked Him to choose our home for us, to guide us to wise choices, to take this away of this house will not be a blessing for us or our children, or the community as a whole. The hard part (at least for me), is to now trust in His work.

It's sad that my reality is that I blind my eyes to His goodness. It's sad that time and time again I have closed off my heart to the miracles He has given me: my husband (his life, his presence, his love, his mercy), my children (their lives, their health, their joy), my family, our home, an income, etc etc etc. Why does my heart tend to fall back on doubt? Why am I so unbelieving?! It's stupidity. That's the only thing that makes sense. I am clearly an idiot.

If someone shows you their character, shows you who They are, believe Them. God shows, and I stupidly don't believe.

America, if you're anything like me, I hope that today you will be challenged (as I have been), to believe in God's character. I hope that together, we can keep the black out curtains open, so that we can see outside of our minds and fears and worries, and recognize the good gifts we've been given.

I have no clue if today we'll become homeowners. I have no clue as to what is coming around the bend. But if I choose to not be an idiot, then I know my God has this in His beautiful hands, and I can wait peacefully for His guidance.