Good Mornings

Nuggets,

I love you. I have no idea how this day is going to play itself out. I have no idea if we will be moving soon or living here forever. I have no idea if school will be easy peazy lemon squeezy or if it will be like scaling a rock face with nothing but our bare hands. I can't say if we're going to experience the most unimaginable heartache or the most astounding joy. I can't declare that no one will fight today, or that everyone will be only kind, caring, and considerate. I can't. I, unfortunately, do not have the gift of seeing the future. I'm thankful for that.

I hope that you will learn to enjoy the unknowns. I have moments myself, where I hate it. I have periods where the dark realms of an unlighted path have shaken me to my core. When Bruni's kidneys stopped working, when Grigio's lungs stopped breathing, when Charchee's fever wouldn't come down, when Lolli's bone marrow freaked out, when Daddy deployed... I felt like my entire being was broken into a thousand pieces. I felt like my sense of composure wilted away. I remember screaming in to the phone (at Grandma) that God couldn't do this to me. I remember being curled up in the fetal position feeling utterly devastated. I also remember seeing your tiny, broken, fragile bodies overcoming. I remember standing there as Daddy walked off the airplane and he was home. I remember the moments when those devastations ended. I remember when healing began.

What I can tell you, what I can promise you, is that I will love you every single moment of this day. I can declare that this entire day will have that singular fact flowing throughout all of it. I can assure you that my love will not faulter, or change, or diminish based on whether or not you are a school superstar, or you are feeling sad and frustrated. I can announce with full certainty that I will still love you, even if you make the worst choices ever.

Though the path of this day is unknown to us, I look forward to walking through it with you. I look forward to this renewed opportunity to show you grace, a passion to learn, and the ability to overcome. I look forward to helping you to understand that frustrations are good, and not to be avoided. I will enjoy showing you how to love others in a greater capacity than you did yesterday. I can't wait to see you discover new things today.

But always, no matter what, I love you. Come rain or come shine.