I am feeling sentimental tonight. I'm not exactly positive where it's coming from, but it seems to be here in full force. My youngest is sick. She has come down with the secondary infections that decide to show up when you've had the Swine Flu. Swine Flu is seriously like bad company...it comes around, destroys your "house", then invites it's nasty friends to come and stay for a while as well. Yuck! If I could I would punch swine flu in the face! :)
So anyway, the sentimentality aspect arrived when my husband called. You see, he and I have barely had a conversation in the last month. We have had two children in the hospital, I've been sick, and our two other children were sick with this Swine Flu ugliness. Then when we finally got better, he got it in Iraq. Now, if you haven't had swine flu, you don't understand why we haven't talked. Swine Flu literally runs you over with a bus, backs up, then runs you over (and repeats this process like fifteen times). Then, after its finished completing that task, it takes you out to meet it's "little friends" and has them give you one heck of a beating. So sitting in front of a computer is very difficult. And unfortunately for us, it's pretty much the main way that spouses communicate with their soldiers nowadays. So in the last month, our five and ten minute conversations has consisted of: "how is so and so today? Any worse?" "Yes, she's worse. In the hospital.", etc etc. Or, "Are you any better?" "No. I feel worse. Well, go get some sleep, we'll talk when you're better." So they haven't been too lengthy. But, I will say that being able to connect at all is absolutely wonderful.
Okay, so now that you've had the back story of my sentimentality, you can understand the following: I finally had a decent conversation with my husband, and it was perfect timing. I had finally gotten the kids in bed for the night when he called. He said, "Hey baby!" and I kid you not, I just cried. I am completely emotionally burnt out. I am so sick of sickness that I can't even begin to describe it. I am so irritated with going to the doctor all the time, and giving my children medications for their various illnesses that have spawned off of the Swine Flu. I'm just sick of it. And I was very sick and tired of not having a decent conversation with my man. He was finally feeling better from his sickness, and it was nice to just lean on him. I told him that I missed him, and I was saying that I mean it differently. Of course I miss his physical presence and I miss having him around, but I meant it in the sense that he and I haven't really been able to talk lately, and that I just was really missing him. And he goes, "Oh baby, I've been feeling that way too. It's just been awful."
So that sort of has awakened my sentamentalness. That man has a way...He just has a way with me that no one has ever had. He is able to comfort me, to console me with so little words. Honestly, some days his picture can just comfort my achy heart. I love that between us there is a softness, a gentleness, a kindness...We just get each other. I was thinking the other day, that if I died to tomorrow, there are four things that I hope people would say about me: that I REALLY loved God, that I REALLY loved my husband, that I REALLY loved my children, but also that I just really loved people in general.
Don't ask me how all of a sudden I went to this morbid death place...I have no idea. The whole basic point is that I really love the boy. :)
On a much happier note...my husband's R and R is coming up. Which in lay mans terms means that the whole abstinence thing will soon be getting a break! And I am thanking God! It's one of the most frustrating aspects of being married, and being apart. And it really sucks. :) BUT! We both gladly do it to defend our country, and to speak for those who have no voices. We are proud of this life we live.
So that's what's been going on in my mind. A sort of convoluted mess of things, but that's sort of how things have been lately. Ultimately, I am thankful for so much more than the things that I am irritated by. God is good, life is good. It's the challenges that grow me, and remind me all the more to be grateful. I am SO glad for the people in my life who support me and send me a friendly hello. I am SO grateful for my biological family, and for my Heavenly family as well. Life is hard, but it's still good. :)
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